Day 2 of The Three Weeks.....

..... and Day 1 of Mercury's retrograde. The two combines to cause me more computer problems for the 2nd day running. It has been a long time since I had so much problems with computers, it is mainly trying to get on some sites that I have accounts with. However my wi fi device is up and going again after I fed it another $50 for 3 gigs. I actually thought you get 5 gigs for $50 but no it was just 3 gigs, which probably explains why I ran out of gigs so soon, I use about 1 gig per week on this thing. But it still doesn't explain the lack of records in my bank statements of any payments to Telstra prepaid since 16 May !!!!!

Anyway after an anxious energy-draining day yesterday I was so tired I went to bed early, about 10pm which is early for me!! Then I woke up at 1am and could not get back to sleep. Just laying in bed and jumping at every sound I hear! My anxiety levels goes through the roof during The Three Weeks, and this is my first time alone at this time. Previously I always had Sally, even if she was so sick the last few years, and though she thought I was a little crazy in regards to The Three Weeks, she was at least there for me. She didn't really believe in it, but it was The Three Weeks that killed her, as proven in last year's entries in this blog, documented evidence that her sores took a nasty turn for the worse and changing color - those blogs are there for all to see for yourselves - it was those infections that ultimately killed her. So you understand why I get so anxious during this time!!!! Over the years I have learned to discern between those "noises in the night". Most of them are the house "just settling", metal pipes contracting after having hot water through them, the wood expanding and contracting, etc..... but not all noises can be explained that way. A small number of them which can't be explained are usually attributed to paranormal activity. And then the noises outside, most are either the wind (though most times there is no wind) or the outside hot water system and other structures expanding and contracting. But occasionally it feels like a prowler outside though even in this high crime district that is relatively rare. But last night at 3AM I jumped up and freaked when I heard THUMP THUMP just outside the front door. I thought OMG someone trying to break in. But a quick peek through the window established that it was just the neighbors across the road, they come and go at all hours of the night, and what I heard was simply the car doors opening and closing. Just the problem is, I sleep only about 4 hours to begin with, so if I go to bed early, I wake up early and can't get back to sleep. So now in a vicious cycle of going to bed early and staying up in the wee small hours, until the weekend when I can at least take a nap during the day and get my sleep patterns back on track!!!! And course as per usual for this part of the universe it is not going to rain at all for the rest of the week, we are destined for the driest June on record!! Rain has this calming influence but that won't be available to me for the foreseeable future. May have to depend on drugs, some codeine, for the same effect, that usually helps me sleep.

Another thing is I haven't heard from Julie since the weekend, this has been the longest time between contacts with her. Now normally I'd attribute this to possible personal issues with family etc, or falling ill, or some other explanation like that. But this IS The Three Weeks, and unfortunately anything can and often does happen during The Three Weeks and I always expect the worse. History proves that again and again with me. Calamities that normally doesn't occur at any other time occurs during The Three Weeks. EG all of Sally's serious turns for the worse in her health in the last two years have all occurred during The Three Weeks, and well her death is proof of the reality of this phenomenon. And so in regards to Julie..... well I am already planning on getting back onto the contact site, re-initiation of my subscription payments, updating my profile and making plans to find a new companion. Of course none of this will happen until AFTER Mercury's retrograde which ends a few days after The Three Weeks. Acquiring a new companion during The Three Weeks will end in catastrophe as the Barbara experiences proves!! So no looking until AFTER that time!!!! Indeed Tu B'Av the Jewish Valentine falls just after Mercury's retrograde so will probably start on it then. But yes I am bracing for this possibility which I hope won't happen but being The Three Weeks it can happen.

It seems to be in my destiny that I will suffer my first very lonely The Three Weeks period this year in 2013. My ability to look after myself will be severely tested, moreso than usual. In the early days I was good at looking after myself helped by mother. She'd often give me advice on the art of looking after one's self, cultivating a healthy lifestyle, and all those recipes she gave me reflected this. Mother was the perfect example of a healthy lifestyle. She went for 3-mile walks around the lake each morning in virtually all weather, she'd always be going for walks when we go on vacation with her such as down at Augusta, she'd walked the 1-mile to the bakery to get us our daily treats, and we always had rolls for lunch from the bakery during our days in Augusta. She rarely cooked with salt and always made sure I had my 3 veges when we visit her for dinner. She was drinking fresh juice each morning made in a blender from fresh fruits and veges, and would tell me off when I drink too much Coke! LOL! Yet in spite of her almost 100% healthy lifestyle she still died an early and tragic death. It just proved to me that going to all the bother of a healthy lifestyle is no guarantee of a long and healthy life. You can be struck down by any disease whatsoever regardless of what we do. As I have often said since then - "The Christian Bible says it rains on the righteous and unrighteous - it is just a nice way of saying 'shit happens regardless of our beliefs, our morals and our lifestyle'"..... Or putting it another way, "There is order and chaos in the universe, shit happens regardless of what we say, what we do, or what we believe in".

Of course it is a matter of history that mother's death coincided with the worsening condition of Sally's health, and it often became the case that I spent my energies looking after Sally often at my own expense. I had stopped riding my bicycle to work when Sally got sick, our vacations and day trips ceased, and so no walks and no trips into the country. Sally did have special diet requirements due to her condition, such as, being a celiac she couldn't eat any food with gluten which is virtually 95% of all foods at the average supermarket aside from fresh meat, fruits and veges!! Give me any tinned, packaged or otherwise prepared foods or convenience food from any supermarket, there's a 95% chance that it will contain gluten!! It is almost as common as water!! So I often had to prepare special dishes for Sally and seek out "gluten free" foods, and by the time I got through with that, I often had no energy left for my own dishes, so I'd just have convenience foods, or perhaps a piece of prepared chicken such as crumbed chicken kiev, etc, often without vegies cos I simply had no energy for it. A lot of the time I get one of those value meals from KFC, especially when the coupons arrives among our junk mail, and just live off that for the rest of the week. Sally could never have fast foods due to the gluten except Red Rooster. And with no mother to help me, I was left on my own to fend for myself while taking care of Sally. And Sally was too sick to worry about what I am eating, so I could pretty well eat as I pleased.

Now since Sally's death you'd think I'd have more time for looking after myself, but it has been precisely the opposite. And the nagging feeling in the back of my mind, the almost 100% healthy mother who hardly even had a cold let alone anything else due to her healthy lifestyle, being suddenly struck down with that nasty disease seemingly out of nowhere!!!! There are some theories that the disease may have been caused by certain chemicals typically used when gardening, and mother always loved gardening, but it is only just a theory with nothing much to prove otherwise. So for all intensive purpose, the disease struck without reason or rhyme!! So anyway, I just spend my days getting up, going to work, coming back home, having dinner, and going online until I drop dead from exhaustion. And my meals often consisted of convenience foods, such as the prepared chicken dishes from the supermarket, pizza, and KFC value meals which lasts me up to a few days and works out cheaper than fresh foods especially with the coupons. I do occasionally bake my own lasagne or other casseroles from mother's recipes, I divide those up for my lunches at work, freeze them and microwave them at work, and they last me a month, so only need to cook monthly for my lunches. I occasionally give myself vegies for my evening meals but only once per week on average. I have pizza more often than anything, there is always someone who has them on special, either Coles or Woolies, and they are cheap when on special, and I always get extra pepperoni the hot variety cos they never put enough pepperoni on the frozen pizzas and it is never spicy enough - but yeah I have pizza probably four evenings in a typical week, then usually chicken with either hash browns or something similar, and I may be bothered to steam a vegie or two on one evening.

So I guess I need someone to look after me.... Julie or someone else.... I had high hopes with Julie, but with The Three Weeks and me not hearing from her for several days, well I am just bracing myself for the worse, and I will be even less motivated to look after myself until at least after this particular period of time.

Now just don't let me forget that the football begins THURSDAY, that is, tomorrow, and as part of the curse of the Three Weeks the first match involves the Eagles and they always mess me up in my tipping, a very unpredictable team!!!! So looks like being a bad start to my tipping.

So of course there be a blog tomorrow for my football musings, but if there are any other non-football related incidences tomorrow I will put that in a separate blog.

Anyway today's song for The Three Weeks.... don't worry this is an "easy listening" genre type although I am not sure if this one is very easy to listen to for me. Not many songs makes me cry but this one does it every time!!! Especially when you get to the last verse that begins...

No mommy's arms to hold me or soothe me when I cry.
Sometimes it gets so lonely I wish that I could die.

... cos... OMG that is exactly how it feels at times...... well anyway here's the vid while I remain at least slightly composed.....

Nobody's Child - Karen Young