I barely survived mother's day last Sunday, the grief never goes away, time does not heal, it only allows for opportunities to discover additional ways of coping. We are going into the 3rd year since mother's death, so this was the 3rd mother's day without her. Visiting the mall has been painful as we see mother's day advertising all around, still at times giving a fleeting thought that I must find a card for mother, only to be jolted a moment later that there is no such need to do so!!!!! This time the pain and torment was made all the worse due to Sally's absence from this realm. At least in the past two years my focus was on attending to Sally's needs, medical and otherwise. Sally felt mother's loss too so at least we had something in common there. Sally lost her mother to heart disease when Sally was just 13 years of age, a very young age to lose one's mother. So she virtually adopted my mother as the mother she never had, her replacement mother. So it really affected Sally probably moreso than me when mother started to get sick and she realised it was a terminal illness. And well no need to repeat myself here, as I already said, Sally's health went downhill and it ultimately killed her. And so it was very lonely last Sunday, just me at home, did not go out anywhere nor spoke to anyone, just kept busy in the garden and other things, but the torment was never far from my consciousness.
Last Saturday however Sally's friend Sylvia did come over and made a big dent in dealing with Sally's items. In just about two hours she ended up loading her little stationwagon with quite a few boxes of Sally's item. Sylvia made it a project to help me out as much as possible given Sally's haunting words to her just a week from her death - asking her to make sure that I will be ok!! She would sort out Sally's item and sell what she can on ebay and elsewhere then give me the proceeds from the sales. But Sally is such a bower bird, there are still loads of her items still here, and Sylvia does plan on return trips until all of Sally's items are sorted. I think it is going to take a while.
However to get Sally's affairs sorted is going to be a long painful process. I at least found out from the bank what I need to do to have the account details changed, we did have a joint account. I have to get a certified copy of the death certificate which means trying to track down a JP, and then to complete an indemnity form. All this legal stuff is a pain in the arse. I have always held the view that the law exists only to benefit the ruling party - the govt. Any perceived benefits that we may gain from the law is designed only to further the govt agenda, either to make it more likely we would vote for the particular govt, or to maintain our capacity to pay taxes. That is why penalties for breaking the law related to financial issues, such as fraud and embezzlement are often more harsh than penalties relating to the threatening of personal well being such as assault, rape or even murder. Nevertheless the penalty for murder is still relatively high only because the person no longer has the capacity to pay taxes or otherwise be a benefit to the govt. And of course every step in our jumping through hoops to fulfil legal obligations all carries a fee, for example, there is a fee for getting certified copies signed by JPs, and the bank charges their fees for changing and altering details. At the very least the govt gets the GST from these fees, but in reality they ultimately gain a lot more than just the GST. These laws are so unnecessary and an unwanted inconvenience in our day to day lives. I am yet to track down a JP but then at the moment I have been rather busy with other matters.
I have made further progress with Sally's Telstra account. I called them two weeks ago and they promised to get back to me but has never done so. Therefore I tried a new tact, using their live chat service on the website, and it worked wonders!! It turned out I did have full authorisation over her account. I thought I should have!! Just a few weeks before her death Sally needed to deal with a matter involving her account which necessitated a visit to the Telstra shop, and since Sally was housebound and too sick to go out, she did managed to arrange for me to have full authorisation so that I can deal with the matter on her behalf. Anyway that made life much easier for me, and so was able to acquire her user name and password, so I could get in and pay the bills as she had elected for only electronic versions of the bills, no paper bills sent out. I still need to complete a form to have the details transferred to my name but it is far less onerous, I only just have to provide my necessary details. No need for death certificates nor any signatures from JPs!!
So the bank account and Telstra account are just two things. Everything else I haven't even touched yet, such as our internet account, car rego and ownership, and our store loyalty programs that is Flybuys and Woollies Reward cards - all are in Sally's name, either cos to secure pensioner discounts or because she was the one who organised them. I'll probably have to get a JP involved in the car rego/license affair, but hopefully the internet account will be as more simple as with our phone accounts, we use iiNet for our internet account. Our home phone ie landline account is actually through iiNet, we use Telstra only for our cell phone and our other mobile devices such as tablets. So once I am successful in getting iiNet details transferred to my name I will probably choose another package that cuts out the home phone, thus will be permanently disconnect ourselves from the landline, utilizing iiNet's wireless options for internet connection, it will cut out the line rental, and usually the only calls I get on the landline are those annoying sales calls and calls pleading for donations to whatever cause. My locality is still at least three years away with no firm dates for connection to the govt much talked about NBN plan so no chance of that happening in the near future, so it will have to be the wireless service. All of my family and friends are given my cell phone number, and so I usually don't answer the landline unless I know through the caller ID who it is (sales/solicitation calls are always marked "private" on our ID so I never answer them) or I am expecting a particular call at particular times. I know other people who have disconnected their landlines opting only to use the cell phone or wireless contacts, Sylvia being one such person. But first I have to get the iiNet account changed to my name, and I haven't yet made any inquiries I am just concentrating on the bank and Telstra, once I get those dealt with, then I tackle the car rego affair, then iiNet.
So that is the latest as I attempt to cope with life without Sally.... considering I am still not coping with life without mother !!!
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