Sally is finally home from hospital and is most pleased. We ordered pizza for dinner being our anniversary, they do gluten free pizza now.... her legs are much better, only needed a couple of bandage changes which took less than 1/2 hour so am rather pleased about that. Apart from the financial relief it is also vastly reducing my laundry load, not having to constantly wash towels etc. She is currently spending most of her time sleeping, never slept much in the hospital. Also still feeling weak, so still need help getting up and going to the loo.

After some hiccups with Silver Chains Sally is finally scheduled to come home tomorrow (Friday). The problem Silver Chains were having was with the bathing arrangements. Our shower recess is tiny and with those sliding shower doors Sally simply could not get in and out of the shower due to the swellings, and also could not stand long enough to take a shower. So for the past 12 months Silver Chains have been coming to give her a manual bathe in the kitchen area with a basin and towels. And well to put it bluntly but truthfully, Silver Chains were too lazy to accommodate this arrangement so were wanting to drop her. Sally would have been home today but for Silver Chains who at first refused to agree to her care. It was only after some intense lobbying from the hospital that they finally agreed to keep Sally on their books, so will start on Monday with someone inspecting the bathroom facilities at our house.

Anyway I was able to get a good look at her sores as she was coming out of the loo at the hospital this evening and am happy to say that they are all but gone with only a few minor patches. So it seems that our bandages expenditure will be much reduced. Of course there's that wound on her leg to attend to, hence is why the hospital insisted on home nurse care such as Silver Chains so to continue to dress the wound and keep a check on it. The wound is reportedly healing nicely but still has a bit to go yet. The worst of it is over, so just need to keep tabs on it which is what the home nurse is for.

Nevertheless i am still a bit apprehensive even though things seems to be better. I suppose I just have to wait and see how things pans out once she is home. She will try the shower over the weekend. She has lost weight so should be able to get in and out of the shower, the only question remains as to if she can remain standing for long enough. The shower is too small for a chair or stool.

The test results did not find any nasties so Sally is now cleared to come home to continue her recovery. Dependant upon how soon they can arrange for Silver Chains to resume the home care she could be home as soon as tomorrow. I must admit I am rather apprehensive about the prospect of her coming home so soon. The hospital insists on her legs being washed daily but Silver Chains are certainly not noted for their enthusiasm of service, trying to skimp which ever way they can and provide only the bare minimum that they can get away with. As for me there is a reason why I studied Physics rather than Medical Science, the least of all, Nursing. I am simply not cut out to be a nurse or a high level carer. I am like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory TV show, strictly Physicist and definitely not people person, I cringe at the sight of one's body waste products, not much better when it comes to blood although I quite like the sight of my own blood, just not hers!!! It has what been stressing me out for the past 12 months, and it's stressing me that I am being thrown back into it. The stress most of all are those sores and the prospect of needing to order bandages again. The choice is, order bandages OR pay the electricity bill, I cannot do both, the budget simply does not allow it. The govt as usual trying to shirk their responsibilities due to the budget bottom line and pushing the burden back onto us long suffering citizens - "peasants" being a more accurate term!!

However there are some promising signs. The sores are clearing up and it would seem that I could get away with using significantly less bandages. She has been using the Essential Oils. It is a matter of how far my budget can stretch to accommodate bandages and pay the electricity bill before disconnection. I certainly could not do it on the previous level of bandage expenditure, it will have to be significantly less if to have any chance of meeting the necessary bill payments. Emotionally she feels better, her ward mate went home today but apparently they swapped contact details, it looks like she found a new friend in her, someone else to bitch at aside from me!! LOL!!

I guess we just have to wait and see how it all pans out.....

Sally seemed much happier this evening when i came in to see her, she had befriended one of her ward mate, or she befriended Sally, probably a bit of both, they get on very well together, always chatting to each other, and seem to have a lot in common including the same Silver Chains home nurse!!

They had taken the sample and is now awaiting results, possibly by tomorrow, then will probably know whether she will soon be coming home or needs further tests and treatments. I am somewhat relieved to see that her sores are finally starting to clear, indeed the sores on her sides are about 90% cleared. It's hard to say whether it is the continuing treatments at the hospital or the Essential Oils, I suppose it is a bit of both. However I am hoping they will keep her in until the sores clears completely. I have a huge electricity bill to pay and the only way it can be paid is if i don't have to outlay any more money on bandages etc. If they send her home and I need to  start ordering bandages again, quite simply the electricity bill will not be paid, and in spite of the extension that they granted me, for the first time in my life we will have our electricity cut off. This has never happened before, not even in my childhood at the public housing estate when mother was on a pension, we were in poverty and had to make do without a lot of things other kids took for granted but she always managed to pay her household bills, we never had any utilities cut off. Anyway i suppose we will just have to wait and see how things pans out, and hope they keep her in long enough for the sores to clear completely so won't have to spend any more money on bandages when she comes home.

The test results are in and things not quite so rosy as first thought. Sally is still losing blood "somewhere" and still not quite sure where it is all disappearing to. Maybe a black hole or a vortex where the blood is disappearing into a parallel universe! lol!..... nah but seriously, and potentially very seriously, they needing to figure out where the blood is going to. So next step is a fecal sample, that will be the next time she goes to the loo for a No.2. And well we all know what she is being tested for in the fecal sample. Very few docs dare to say so, but we all know reality, the reality of the situation - the dreaded "C" word and we're not talking about Vitamin C. It is at least a reasonably likely reason for the loss of blood, by no means the only reason, but a betting man would be willing to place money on it. Anyway as it pans out it seems she will be in hospital for a little while yet.

As for me i am back at work tomorrow - Tuesday - can't say i am particularly looking forward to it but the rent and the bills has to be paid, and since I haven't won Lotto yet, then going back to work is the only means available for me for such living expenses to be paid.

Well i did say there will be no more updates on Sally until Monday when they said the test results would be in. This perhaps should have read, the last of the test results will be in Monday but some will be in beforehand. This is what had happened. Some of the results were in today, it seems that her kidneys are all hunky doree, no problems there. The wound on her leg seems to be healing up nicely, its now about 1/3 of the depth. So depending on the rest of the test results, they say Sally could be home by sometimes next week. Her strength is returning, and is able to walk more, they took her off the catheter meaning she has to go to the loo now, they figure she is now strong enough to do so though still needs help getting back into bed.  I was kinda hoping they would be dealing with the sores on her legs and hips before they send her home, but i guess their reasoning could be that once these other issues are dealt with then the sores would soon heal, and that could be just as well accomplished at home. However it will mean more bandage changing each night and more money on bandages for a while yet, however long it will be. I will have to extend my loan hence go deeper into debt as this will be the only way i will be able to meet my bill payments especially the electricity bill if i also have to start spending money on bandages again. I think it is another couple of weeks before the six months of repaying the loan is up, the whole term of the loan being 12 months, and i have a perfect repayment record, so i should be able to extend the loan. The hospital doc have allowed her to continue with the Essential Oils treatments in the hospital, and her sores are slowly clearing but at the current rate it will take well beyond the next week before those sores are gone completely. Anyway we won't know exactly when Sally will be home until Monday when the rest of the results will be in. I'm back at work Tuesday but will have to take a day of work the day she comes home.

Latest update on Sally..... the results of the blood tests from yesterday won't be known until Monday, so this will probably be my last update until Monday unless there are drastic developments over the weekend. Not much else to say really until then.... she is doing reasonably ok at this time........

When i came in this evening to see Sally she was on another blood transfusion, i think this was her 3rd or 4th unit and she was due for another one later that night. She is that anemic, her body it seems is just not producing the blood or proteins it needs, she has also have to had protein drips. They are still trying to figure out why. She have had blood tests today for possibly every known condition! lol! A bit of a worry if the docs can't figure out what is wrong, they are paid to know what is wrong, even if the govt doesn't pay docs enough in the public hospital system! lol! Anyway that is pretty well it for today..... looks like Sally will be in hospital for our anniversary again lol.... just like last year.... that is next Friday on the 19th ;)

Oh what a difference a day makes. Sally is now much happier. The doc must have seen how close to insanity Sally had become and took some action to rectify this. Sally is now in a room with a TV, and in a different bed that is lower to the ground so she doesn't need a hoist. She can now get in and out of bed with the help of just two people mainly to shift her legs. Furthermore she is encouraged to spend part of the day sitting in the recliner chair. She is still quite weak and cannot walk far without help.

The scan results are in and she has a shrinking liver, said to be indication of hepatitis, and stones in the gall bladder. The doc did not seem too concerned with the stones but the liver is a worry. So more tests arranged to try figure out what is going on there. Also she will be tested for signs of cancer in the uterus firstly by a blood test.  Blood in the urine can be a sign of cancer in the uterus hence the tests for it. But i think it is going to be a while before they can figure out what is wrong with Sally!!

Tomorrow our electricity will be off most of the day, the utility company is carrying out maintenance in our street. So pointless staying home, i will be out and about all day, going for drives into the hills and doing things i haven't been able to do for the past 18 months to 2 years.

Today's update.... Sally went in for the ultrasound but is yet to learn of the results. It has been a bad day for her. She was originally shifted to a ward with a TV only to discover there are no facilities for lifting her out of the bed via a hoist so she was shifted back to the original room which has no TV. This happened near to dinner time which really got the catering company in knots and so she ended up with no meal and i needed to head out to the nearest Red Rooster to buy her some dinner. This is no surprise for the catering company, they are utter dimwits. It was always going to be a bad idea to privatise the catering. The tender process involves up to three companies and the rule is the one with the cheapest quote wins the deal regardless of level of service, or if they have minimum level of service then it is about time they raise the standards. This particular company can barely cope with normal dietary requirements, but when it comes to special needs such as needing gluten-free foods this company simply cannot cope. We have lost count the number of times they messed up on Sally's meals, either bringing her unsuitable foods, or foods that she did not order, or some other kind of mixups. They make such basic dimwit mistakes as cooking a salad!! Even I know that you do not cook a salad!! But it is the kind of dimwits this company employs, they don't know that you don't cook a salad!! The last time she was in hospital I was forever bringing her my home cooked foods due to the catering company's poor service, and it looks like i will be doing the same this time around.

Let's hope tomorrow will be a better day for her but i guess it will depend on the scan results if they indeed are available tomorrow. It is rather concerning that she won't be in a room with a TV due to lack of hoisting facilities. The last time she was in hospital she was able to go to a room with a TV and hoisting facilities so not sure what has changed since then. She will go crazy with boredom without a TV especially if she is going to be in there for a while, and she doesn't have ADHD like I do, I simply could not cope without at least a TV. Let's hope the doc will see how crazy she will be without a TV and force the issue a bit to find her a room with a TV. The nursing staff often make decisions to suit their own conveniences rather than patient welfare but the doc can override their decisions, he just have to be convinced that her mental welfare will be at stake if she doesn't have a TV.

This being the first day of the working week the hospital would be now fully staffed since Sally was admitted. The wounds specialist came to see her today, he cleaned up the wound on her leg and it was 1/2 inch deep as well as about 3 inches round. This sounds a very serious wound indeed. The testing is yet to determine whether it is gangrene, but either way, a 1/2 inch deep wound seems very drastic. In hospital is certainly the right place for her!! Tomorrow morning she is scheduled for an ultrasound of her tummy region to try figure out what is going on. She has been bleeding where a woman should not bleed when in menopause or not on a period. But also to see what is going on with the bladder infection, her urine is dark and has blood in it. So it seems something serious is going on there. Also it seems her tummy is not absorbing the nutrients from her food, which perhaps explains why she has lost so much weight in spite of spending most of her time sitting and laying in her recliner chair for the past year, she lost more than my whole body mass in weight over the past year. She is indeed slowly starving to death. She is indeed a very sick little critter, more sick than we realise. The ultrasound tomorrow morning is expected to be a telling point.
 

Oh i was so exhausted after coming home from the hospital last night that i went straight to bed for a nap after i had dinner, i tried to get up a bit later to get online but i was so weak as a kitten myself i couldn't do a thing, so went to bed and slept on and off until now. i guess it is all the stress and torment of the past year catching up with me. This is the first respite I had for close to a year. Since November last year I have been changing bandages for Sally each night for between 2 and 4 hours, night after night without a break at all, and often changing them again during the day, often before I go to work thus making me late for work, and during weekends. Then having to be virtually on 24/7 call in case she needed to go to the bathroom, and especially over the last few months being so weak as a kitten that she couldn't help herself up. The Silver Chains nurses thought she was just being lazy when she calls me in to help her up while they were changing her bandages. Little did they know she was anemic. But yes after close to a year of constant 24/7 care and changing bandages, I get a few days respite, and a year of stress catches up with me and hits my body for a six!! So today I am just resting, not doing a thing, well at least as little as possible anyway. It is a Jewish high holiday today, known as Shemini Atzeret, it's Jewish for "The 8th Day", this being the 8th day of Succot, it is indeed a separate holiday attached at the end of the 7 days of Succot.

Anyway latest on Sally..... well when i came in to see her last night she was hooked up to a fluid drip and also antibiotics drip, feeding antibiotics straight into her blood stream in an effort to deal with those sores. She is so badly dehydrated that they have her on a fluid drip. The test result from the swab from her wound didn't turn up anything particularly nasty, just apparently normal bacterial infection. It seem weird since last year the diagnosis was staph infection. Go figure.... hmmmmm...... but all along she had anemia which was why those sores would not heal in spite of previous antibiotic treatments, though previously the antibiotics were orally taken, just  in pill form. This time it is being fed straight into the blood stream. Her hospital doc did approve for her to continue on with the Essential Oils treatments, which was unexpected. They usually baulk at alternative treatments especially in public hospitals, most pass them off as hocus pocus, but her doc is of Indian descent so probably more open to alternatives. Sally is still in acute care ward but is hoping to be able to find a spot in a normal ward soon so she can watch TV and not been driven batty with boredom, there are no TVs in acute care. The nurse gave her a puzzle book in an effort to stave off boredom. She is confined to bed, not being allowed to get up, she is deemed a falls risk probably due to her weakness of strength.

Sally update - me gotten home a while ago from the hospital and currently having home delivered pizza which i only do when Sally is not here. It would be downright cruel to have home delivered pizza when Sally is here, while she loves pizza she cannot have it due to her gluten intolerance, it would make her sick. However i have noticed that they now make pizza with gluten-free bases which i didn't know about and was certainly not available last year, so perhaps something worth mentioning to Sally when she comes home from hospital. Anyway, it has been a year since i last had pizza, being a year since she was last in hospital. Last year it was Pizza Hut, but in a year they it seemed shut down the shop in my area as when I went online to order it, it rather rudely informed me that my address falls outside the delivery area so i would need to pick it up. Well blow that, I ordered from Dominos instead. Pity really, Pizza hut has better side dishes but Dominos is also delicious!! ;) I always get the garlic bread though there is yet a store that does garlic bread as good as mother used to make them, no one on this planet makes garlic bread as good as mother does, one of many things i miss from mother :( nevertheless the Dominos one is pretty good.

Anyway regarding Sally..... she is in the acute care ward which is where everyone goes after they been through ER and before being assigned a ward, usually when a bed becomes available. There are no TVs in the acute care probably cos people are meant to be in there for only a short time, perhaps a day or two, but last year Sally was there for close to two weeks before finally moved to a ward with a TV. But right now she is driven crazy with boredom and she does not suffer from ADHD like i do! LOL! I could not cope in the acute care wards!!!!

Boredom aside, it seems Sally is a very sick little critter, more sick than we realised. it was indeed a good thing she went into hospital, one of those "cruel to be kind" thingie when it came to having that infection on her leg!! Firstly she is anemic and actually required blood transfusions!! She had one such transfusion already and is due for another tonight or in the morning. Then she has a bladder infection which explained why she was needing to go to the loo every 5 mins or it seemed that way when i need to help her up and help with the cleaning, etc, and getting her back into her chair - thus driving me around the bend!! Well in the hospital the nurses are paid to help her but they were being driven around the bend with her toileting needs, so they put a catheter on her which means it gives the nurses a break and Sally can have some decent sleep!! Then also she was suffering from dehydration, not drinking enough or perhaps she was going to the loo so often. As for the original reason for her admission to hospital, the infection in her leg, well they took samples and are currently having those samples tested to see what nasties are residing therein. So it seems Sally will be in hospital for a little while, until at least they can figure out what is going on with her, in particular why she is so anemic!!! But it seemed she managed to score a pretty good doc of Indian descent, he agreed to allow her to continue on with the Essential Oils treatment while in hospital. Normally alternative remedies and the medical establishment does not get on well together! The Silver Chains nurses does not like alternative or natural remedies, dismissing them as "hocus pocus".

Further updates as it comes to hand......

It's about time i updated this blog. My AWOL is due to my utter depression, utter chaos, and my sanity being sorely tested, but now Sally is in hospital so have a bit of breathing space.

Over the past week Sally had started on the 2nd phase of the Essential Oils treatment, addressing directly the staph infections on her skin - the reason why I spend $200 weekly on bandages and protection sheets to stop the substances from the sores from soiling her recliner chair. And for the first time ever the treatments began to make significant differences on the sores, many of the smaller areas clearing up completely, resulting in about a 20% reduction in bandages used. Keeping this up for a month as designed would have hopefully eliminated at least most of the sores hence hugely reducing my medical bills.

But as always a spanner in the works. Sally had knocked her leg against the chair and sported what at first seemed to be a nasty bruise about 3 inches long and an inch wide. Then the bruise turned into a giant blood blister. The nurse from Silver Chains suggested she go to the hospital to have it drained, but Sally and hospitals does not get on well together, she avoids them like the plague. Well afterall the original staph infections was gotten from Royal Perth Hospital, and was also where I had gotten the flu from last year. So if she had to go into hospital at all, RPH is a no go zone!! She would go to Charlie Gardiners if possible, not much better but at least we didn't get any diseases from that place!! Sally's issue with Charlie Gardiners was that her ward mate died just after Sally was discharged, and she blames the hospital for her death.

So I placed a bandage on the blister, and as soon as she got up to go to the loo, the bandage turned red! The blister had popped. I carefully removed the bandage, and there was indeed a break in the blister, and a reddish white pussy fluid was literally squirting out, at the most squirting six inches into the air. We went through five bath towels before the flow subsided, and it would now be a slow oozing. However Sally figured if she could get the rest of the substance out the sore would heal, so spent the next day of so waiting for nature to take its course with an occasional help of squeezing.

Then two nights ago we peeled off the bandage and what we saw alarmed us, Sally most of all. The skin on the sore disintegrated and it was all pussy underneath going quite deep into her leg and smelled of rotting flesh. It looked like gangrene may have set in. This really freaked her cos if the gangrene spread she would lose her leg. She reluctantly conceded that she needed to go to the hospital.

So we spent the next day Thursday preparing for this, mostly mentally preparing for Sally as she just did not want to go into hospital but did not relish the prospect of losing her leg to gangrene. The night before last we decided that Sally would go into hospital yesterday - Friday.

We cancelled the Silver Chains services and Sally started to pack her belongings. First we decided she would go into hospital after lunch, but by then she was tired and wanted to take a nap. So I ran my usual errands. Then when I gotten back, Sally decided she wanted to seek an opinion of a doc, and we have the Medicare home visit program from 6pm where a doc would pay us a visit for free. Fair enough I suppose as no doc had actually seen the wound, it was only a Silver Chains nurse that gave the opinion of going into hospital. Nurses does not have as many initials after their names as docs. So Sally wanted a professional opinion.

So 6pm came around, but Sally wanted dinner first before calling the doc. Fair enough, in case the doc calls the ambulance. Then I had a shower and she went to the loo. A couple of hours later I called the Medicare service and when I described the situation to the sheila on the phone, she simply said get her arse to the hospital!! She did not bother to arrange for a doc to visit us.

Now we have no choice. I phoned for the ambulance. Being not a priority call they took their time nevertheless still arrived within the hour which is most reasonable under the circumstances - the busy Friday night period!! It was a while before they loaded Sally into the vehicle, and arrived at Charlie Gardiners just before midnight with me following them.

Friday night is the worse time to visit ER of a public hospital, and i waited for over an hour in the  aptly described waiting area before finally being called to the counter where they asked me the obligatory few questions about Sally and getting Medicare details. Then it would be another half an hour before I was allowed in to see Sally.

So it was close to 2am before I was let in to see Sally, now in an ER bay though they are slightly better designed than RPH bays which has only curtains. Charlie Gardiners bays has solid walls except the front bit which has the curtain. The doc still hadn't been able to see her, and the wound had not been looked at yet. She was most uncomfortable as a result. But being Friday night it would be forever before she would see a doc since as dire as the situation seemed for Sally, it was not classed as a life threatening emergency. I was there until 4am and the doc still hadn't seen her.

So this morning I slept in until well after 9am, and well i am yet to call the hospital for the latest update but i won't do so until a bit later, just before my plan to visit her near dinner time. Hopefully she would be in a ward by then and have at least an initial diagnosis and prognosis on possible length of time in hospital. I am betting about a week if it is indeed gangrene, a day or so if it is just a bad infection, she just be sent home with antibiotics. But in my humble unlearned opinion it looked a bit more than just a bad infection. But as i say I am a Physicist not a Medical Practitioner. I may know how physically the universe works but I am a dimwit when it comes to knowing how the human body works.

Watch this space.

Okay this is vent time here. At this time there are only two known readers (plus spouses, etc) of this blog and this is NOT targeted at those two, however, this blog is publicly accessible so anyone can read it if they can just find it, including the targets of my venting.....

I am referring to the mythology surrounding suicide attempts and self harm perpetuated by popular media, shrinks and the medical profession, churches and other religious groups, even government institutions. I won't list all of them, only those I have personally been a target of. You cannot judge me unless you have been in my shoes walking my path, and since no one on this planet has done this, then no one on this planet nor even on other planets are qualified to judge me. I don't care how many qualifications you have behind your name nor what religion you belong to. Whatever is learned in the classroom or lecture theater there is no substitute for life experience, and since none of you "professionals" have experienced my life, none of you are qualified to judge me. And as for practitioners of religions, you often refer to the certain religious texts. All such texts are open to interpretations, and the interpretations offered by popular religions are very often outside of the original intent and purposes of the texts in question and are therefore incorrect and inappropriately applied.

Anyway.... the myths and facts....

MYTH Self harm and suicide attempts are the same.
FACT Both are different critters. Self harm is NOT suicide attempt. I was not attempting suicide when I was banging my head against the wall in my childhood, nor was I attempting suicide when I was banging myself during my teen years. One reason for self harming is numbness or lack of feelings. Whether we are alive is defined by whether we can feel anything, lack of feeling equates to death. So we self harm until we can start to feel again and therefore to know that we are alive. So we self harm to LIVE and NOT TO DIE!!!!! The remainder of the myths relates to both self harm and suicide attempts partly because of the first myth above. I will address them as "suicide attempts" but unless I say otherwise it can also be applied to self harm.

MYTH Suicide attempt is an attention seeking exercise.
FACT We are NOT attention seekers. Most people who attempts suicide or self harm tries to hide their injuries or pass them off as accidents, indeed we lie to cover for our injuries. This is hardly the action of one who is "attention seeking". Self harm is often confused with the EMO sub-culture. To be sure self harm is a mark of being an EMO therefore members of this subculture often share their self harm exploits with their peers, publish them on social networking sites and other online forums, and otherwise drawing attention to them. This is purely an EMO thingy. The vast majority of self harmers and those who attempts suicide are NOT EMOs and they go out of their way to hide their injuries, such as wearing long sleeves in summer, passing off their injuries as accidents and otherwise lying about them, and many does not even tell their close family members. This is hardly the action of one who is "seeking attention"!!!

MYTH Suicide attempt is a "cry for help"
FACT If we ever wanted to "cry for help" we can think of 1000 other ways of doing so aside from attempting suicide! Similarly self harm is NOT a "cry for help" but a stress coping mechanism that is often attempted to be kept secret (see above myth). However we attempt suicide because we intend to commit suicide, and when dead we are hardly in a position to accept any "help" that we may be allegedly "crying for"!!

MYTH Those who talks about suicide never commits suicide
FACT Various statistics shows that a high percentage of people talking about suicide eventually carries out the act. It is like anything in life. For example, those talking about taking an overseas vacation eventually book a vacation overseas. Or, those who talks about attending a football match eventually gets around to purchasing the tickets and attending such a match. Suicide talk is no different, those who talks about it eventually carries out the act.

MYTH Suicide attempted or otherwise is a form of revenge
FACT If I wanted revenge against someone I certainly would not give up my life for it. Indeed the target of my revenge would be thought as one who would celebrate my passing away. Therefore if I wanted revenge against someone, I am more likely to do so BY STAYING ALIVE!!!!!

MYTH Suicidal people are selfish
FACT Everyone is inherently selfish. We all on some level have ulterior motives. Even Mother Theresa, her motive being a better life in Heaven. Indeed every Christian has this ulterior motive, they join the religion so to avoid the prospect of an eternity of torment in hell, and they give their lives to the faith often at great cost to themselves simply in the expectation of "greater rewards" in "Heaven". Not everyone is religious but everyone is inherently selfish. We have all quit something because we can no longer cope with it. People quit their jobs because they can no longer cope with it, and such people are often praised as "ambitious" and "seeking to better themselves". People quit their clubs, church, teams, etc because they can no longer cope with the current condition. These people are often praised as being willing to "leave the past behind" and "trying new things" or "accepting new challenges". Many people quit marriages and relationships because they can no longer cope, and even such people are often praised as "standing up for themselves", "refusing to be a doormat" and other similar kind of praises. Well it can be said that suicide is the ultimate form of quitting, we attempt suicide because we can no longer cope with life in general and we perhaps believe or hope for a better life "on the other side" or at least a cessation of life in total therefore no longer feeling pain. We are no more "selfish" than anyone else.

MYTH Suicide attempt a method of persuasion
FACT We attempt suicide because we wish to END our lives and therefore anything we allegedly trying to "persuade" will be no longer relevant!! If I wanted to try persuade someone to do something for me I certainly would not choose attempted suicide or even self harm as such a method! I have other ways to persuade someone to do something for me, these are more effective than suicide attempts or self harm!!

MYTH Suicidal people are "weak" or have "less character" or otherwise judged as being of a "lesser person" than everyone else.
FACT We are all wired differently and are a product of both our genetics and our environments past and present. Everyone can play Tennis but nor everyone can reach Wimbledon. Or, everyone can compete in Athletics but not everyone can compete in the Olympic Games. This does not make unsuccessful athletes any "less worthy". Those not good at Athletics may perhaps excel at ballet, or music, or art. In life we all at least originally had hopes and dreams. No one starts out in life with the intention of committing suicide. But due to the chaos of the universe (or however you like to put it) some of us are given the short end of the stick in life!! For example nearly everyone who has experienced rape or other forms of abuse are suicidal, they cannot cope with living with such violations of their personal space. I have been a victim of abuse, this is one reason for my suicidal tendencies, I simply cannot cope with living with the consequences of such abuse at the hand of one who pretended to be my "father" (not my REAL father). However I am good at many other things. I am gifted in Science especially Physics and fields related to Astronomy, Cosmology, etc. I am also, according to some, good at writing stories!!! I am also good at computers and I can build my own computer, indeed my current computer was built by myself and is working very well thankyou very much!!!!! Therefore I am no less "worthy" nor have "less character" than any other average person.


Well that is about all for now..... I will add to it if anything else comes up. But I will NEVER allow anyone to pass judgment on me regardless of their motivations. No one on this planet is qualified to judge me, so..... DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well birthdays are most decidedly overrated. Yesterday being my birthday was one of the worst days of this year so far on par with Xmas as days of dread. I did attempt suicide yesterday but managed to stop myself before doing too much damage to myself. Indeed the damage is superficial and does not need medical attention, not that I would seek medical attention anyway cos the hospital staff treats you badly for self inflicted injury giving off the impression that you are wasting tax payers money and taking the place of someone who had genuine accidents. Ironically it was a txt from my sister Debra that stopped me in my tracks, it was most unexpected!! But there will be no family gatherings, no BBQs nor any other kind of celebrations. Gone are the days of chocolate mud cakes especially picked out by mother who would have my name decorated on top, and roasted chicken baked especially for me that only mother could bake - no one does a roast chicken like mother. Indeed I don't even receive gifts anymore from mother's side of the family, not even a card. In days gone by I would not sleep the night before my birthday but wait until mother sneaks into my room to place my presents on my desk, and then as soon as she had gone to bed, I would very quietly get up, close my door, then open the presents. In later years when I moved out, she would always have me give her a wish list a month beforehand, and by the weekend closest to my birthday we would go over her place for her roasted chicken and always a gift from items off my wish list. She'd take the time to find the game or the CD that I put on the wish list. But now with mother gone there is a gaping empty hole that none can fill, it will remain empty until the day I die. But at least I have my Dad and the chance to turn things around, I don't know what I'd do without him, and with my birthday behind me I can get on with things for another few weeks until the torment of Xmas begins to raise its ugly head......

This is my last day at work before I begin my 3 weeks leave, though it is no holiday for me due to the virtually 24/7 care Sally needs. But hopefully she will start on her Essential Oils treatments, she wanted to wait until I am off work in case of allergic reactions and side effects. Given that she is allergic or has bad reactions to nearly everything she touches it is understandable she is so wary about taking on new treatments. But the oils are our last roll of the dice. None of the other treatments works. Antibiotics are utterly useless. These oils are our last chance, our last hope.

And tonight the Maggies plays Sydney in the Semi Final, the winner goes through to the Grand Final. Given that they beat the Weavils last week I won't be so upset if they get beaten by Sydney tonight. Nevertheless it be great if the Maggies could pull off a win and make it into the Grand Final - then next Saturday would be the day of frayed nerves and fingernail biting, emotions ranging from utter elation to bitter disappointments, utter frustrations, cursing at umpires, giving up utter hope and desperately holding onto seemingly vain hopes. Grand Finals with the Maggies in it are not good for my nerves!!!!!!!

Anyway here's another vid..... if only this can be so..... one can always dream.... *sigh*

It's been a tough week..... but the Maggies beat the Weavils so I am now happy, at least momentarily. It was very touch and go for a bit and not good for my nerves, I watched Dr Who instead of the footy!!! But when the Maggies won it really made my night! Now I wouldn't care if they get beaten by Sydney next week, all it matters is they beat the Weavils and are therefore above the Weavils!!!! Of course it be great if they beat Sydney and make it to the Grand Final but it won't be a catastrophe if they don't.

The oils have finally come. The dimwit courier couldn't follow simple instructions so he placed an "unsuccessful delivery" card at the door in spite of the fact that the door was clearly open and all he had to so was to step inside where Sally was in her chair. Due to her arthritis etc she can't get up quickly and so can't get to the door quickly, but with Silver Chains having just left, the door was still open. I was at work. In spite of this and Sally calling on him to come in and give the package to her, he just didn't do so!! Couriers are such dimwits. At work we get couriers waiting at the door for several minutes and calling out "is anyone there" in spite of the fact there is a big clear sign at the door with a buzzer and the simple instruction in big bold letters "press for service"!!!! They'd stand there forever until someone happens to come by, such as myself who is not allowed to sign for packages due to union rules - it is to protect me against being in deep doo-doo if for some reason the package goes missing or it doesn't reach the intended recipient!!! Why they can't read.... i guess it is why they are couriers and not anything else!!

Anyway it meant i had to spend Saturday morning driving over to the delivery center at the airport to pick up the parcel, about a 90 minutes round trip. But Sally so wanted to get hold of the oils, and well she intends getting started on them today. I think there is a two week course of oral where she drinks a few drops in water, this is meant to detox her system. Then to apply the other oils to her sores. I think its a 6-weeks course in all. If I am still changing bandages at the end of six weeks I will kill myself!!!! This is our last roll of the dice. If these oils does not work then I am destined to be changing bandages and being in poverty due to bandages and other expenses for the rest of our days - and I won't be tolerating this for much longer, I would rather die. So let's hope these oils will do the job where all else including antibiotics have failed!!!!!

The disaster area that is the football.... what I fear most has come to pass. Not only we the Magpies lost but we also have to play the Weavils (West Coast Eagles) next week!! Losing to the Weavils would be a fate worse than death!! I realise we won't make it to the Grand Final but I plead with all higher powers in the universe to let us at least beat the Weavils!! After that I won't care what happens, it we get beaten the following week in the Prelim or whatever else happens! Just let us beat the Weavils !!!!!!!

Anyway I try my hand at inserting vids into the blogs. I hope this works, well it worked in the preview.... this song is rather appropriate considering the past few weeks....... Seasons in the Sun.

Well it looks like it's not going to be our year this year, speaking of the Magpies, won't say anything else.... I know they have another chance next week due to being in the top 4, nevertheless, I am not holding high hopes for them.

Anyway Sally had ordered those oils today, it will be a week before they arrive, which would put it at or near Rosh HaShanah the Jewish New Year next Monday the 17th. Usually something significant happens around them, but until I see results from the oils treatments I will not be holding any high hopes. This is just another of a long line of different remedies that we tried, none which worked up to now. The oils are just the most expensive of the remedies, about $200 all up. But considering we spending $400+ on bandages and protection sheets each fortnite, it is worth the expense of trying.

And it turned out we will not be evicted. The landlord came by today with a 12 months lease in hand which we promptly signed!! Only that the rent will go up but by not a lot, $50/fortnite from November which is reasonable. We are actually paying well below the market rate in rent here, most in this area are paying $100 or more extra than we are, one of the advantages of going with a private landlord rather than a real estate company. Also we not subjected to those invasive inspections every 3 months, in the two years we been here so far we have had not one formal property inspection. But he seemed at least reasonably happy with our tenancy hence the 1-year lease beginning November.

So Magpies notwithstanding a couple of things did come our way for a change!!!!!

This has been a very difficult past few days emotionally so I have been lying low. Yesterday was the closest I came to suicide, I had it all planned out and everything - go to work, finish off my jobs, then at lunchtime drive to a park and carry out the act..... but then my boss came in and handed me more work so couldn't get out at lunch, and then Sally called...... and well I am still here, fortunately or unfortunately depending on which way you look at it.

Aside from the cursed 3-weeks of July, September is always a very difficult month for me, first with Father's Day being the 1st Sunday of Sept in Australia, then my birthday. I often suffer the worst depression on my birthday. Last year I didn't celebrate my birthday at all, this was the September from hell when Sally required 24/7 care and I survived on 2 hours of sleep each night for the whole month until just before the Jewish New Year near end of September she suffered a fall and was taken to hospital where she would spend the next 6-7 weeks. But during that time I vowed never to celebrate my birthday. It was 1994 all over again when I experienced the Xmas from hell and so vowed never to celebrate Xmas again. Now in 2011 I vowed never to celebrate my birthday.

As we know the JWs (Jehovah's Witnesses) don't celebrate birthdays, the reason they cite is that there are only two stories in the Bible that refers to birthdays and both involved heathens and someone's head being chopped off. The first story involved an Egyptian pharaoh and on his birthday the baker's or butler's head got chopped off, can't remember exactly which but suffice to say one of them had his head chopped off. The 2nd story involved King Herod at the time of Jesus, and on his birthday he ordered John the Baptist's head to be chopped off. So it is for this reason why JWs does not celebrate birthdays. It seems a good reason to not celebrate birthdays but this is not my reason. Firstly I refer only to MY birthday and not anyone else's, I still remember the birthdays of family and loved ones. And in any case I will never submit to a church or religious group. But it sure feels like my head being chopped off, it was spiritually chopped off when mother died, so I want never again to celebrate my birthday !!!! The last time I had gotten anything for my birthday was in 2009 when mother gotten me a computer game. In 2010 mother was too ill to remember my birthday, she died 2011, and since then I had gotten nothing for my birthday. I won't knock back any birthday wishes, nevertheless, personally it is not a day of celebration for me, it is a day of sadness and depression.

Now back to Father's Day, I didn't expect to do anything special but to keep myself busy as it was a day of depression. So I spent the morning in the garden, and around lunchtime Justin had sent a txt to Sally's phone inviting us to afternoon dinner at mother's house - well Pasco's house now. It was a shock cos I had not heard boo from mother's side of the family since Xmas last year. Well of course Sally couldn't go cos of her sores, she is housebound and cannot go out anywhere. But she wanted me to go there, so I did so. There were Pasco's sister, Debra and a few of her kids, and some other souls. They still had mother's ashes there.

Soon after that my emotions took a nose dive, and well yesterday I almost killed myself....... the weather seemed to match my moods, we are having a real blast of winter since yesterday with thunderstorms and high winds. More thunderstorms today, and the forecast is for more storms to Thursday. So after a relatively dry and warm August we are now having "winter"!!

The disaster area that is the football tipping, well for this last round I did pick all 9 winners for the first time, but then so did half the office comp members and of course most had better points variances than me thanks to the curse of "The Three Weeks" when my points variance suffered catastrophes from which I would never recover. The prizes has been finalised, and for the first time ever it can be confirmed that I won no prizes whatsoever. Seems fitting for this horror year of 2012 the worst year of my life thus far.

Jewish New Year falls on Sept 17 this year so perhaps something will change then. Sally called our doc yesterday and he had suggested some alternative treatments for Sally's sores, some mixtures of "essential oils" which the doc will prescribe then have them ordered and mixed especially for her. It sounds promising but I am not willing to get my hopes up until I see physical results. Too many times before I had my hopes up only to be dashed against rocks. If you walk along the valley floor you will not get hurt, but if you climb up the side of the valley then slip and fall you will get hurt even killed - so I never allow myself to cultivate raised hopes. Hope deferred makes the soul sick. Nothing else works, antibiotics doesn't work, and Sally can't have certain other medicines due to allergies, etc. And the oils are rather pricey and not on Medicare but then we spending over $400/fortnite on bandages etc. So we shall see what happens when we get the oils, I guess in the next couple of weeks, probably in time for Rosh HaShanah the Jewish New Year.

We begin with a piece of sad news..... Uncle Bob contacted us yesterday, well Sally took the call since I was at work. His son and therefore my cousin Christopher was found deceased this past weekend, his liver and kidney just given up the ghost. We don't have any more information at this stage but will share if and when we have more information.

Now the disaster area that is the football tipping. This is the last round, and well unless something utterly extraordinary happens I am destined to suffer my first season of no prizes after first entering several years ago and always winning a prize of some sort. As for the Magpies, well we have an easy game to end the season with, playing some easy-beats team down on the lower rungs of the ladder..... who are they I wonder..... um..... I think they're called Essendon.... hehehe ;)

Each year on the Roman calendar there are four holidays of pain and torment - Xmas, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, and my birthday. When we add the anniversary of mother's death in January, and Jewish Tisha B'Av in July, we see that pain and torment is never far from me. Aside from July, September is one of the worst months of the year. Two such holidays of pain falling during that month. In Australia Fathers Day falls the 1st Sunday of September.

It is said that Mothers Day and Fathers Day are Hallmark holidays in reference to the largest greetings card company on the planet. While in Kansas City I did actually visit the headquarters of Hallmark and it is immediately obvious that it is a company that is doing very well for themselves thankyou very much!! Even if the rest of America goes bankrupt Hallmark will not, there will always be a market for greeting cards. And for as far back as I can remember near to every card I have ever received carried the familiar "Hallmark" logo on the back. These days there are a few more card companies represented at newsagencies nevertheless Hallmark remains the overwhelming majority.

So the story goes like this in America..... starting in Spring we first have Halloween, or it could even be argued that due to the large Jewish population we have Rosh HaShanah in September. Then we have Thanksgiving in November, Xmas, then Easter. So from perhaps September, at least October through to April the following year Hallmark enjoys a profitable period. But since there were no holidays between April and September/October this leaves a period of 4 to 5 months of low sales. How to counter this. Some bright spark at the company hatched a brilliant idea, let's invent some holidays!! And since 99% of us have or had a mother and a father, a day in honor of each seems a perfect solution. Hence we have Mothers Day in May and Fathers Day in June. Here in Australia we didn't celebrate Halloween (until recently), there's not enough Jews around to register any significant sales in September, and we obviously don't have Thanksgiving Day. This leaves a longer period of low card sales, hence Fathers Day being shifted to September to help during the extended quiet period. So don't believe Google when it comes up with a certain woman called Sonora as being credited with originating the idea of Father's Day early in the 20th century, it is just a story to justify a purely commercial decision. Nevertheless after two to three decades of living a lie I now at least have a real Father to honor on Father's Day. However nothing can make up for the pain of those decades. Pain of the soul never goes away, it stays with you forever, haunting you for as long as you have breath.

Now the football and nearly everyone is picking the Weevils against the Magpies!! But this is the west coast and they are all biased anyway, they always pick the Weevils. I refuse to tip them, I am going for the Magpies. There are only two rounds left and there is no prospect of me winning any prizes, so logic goes out the window. It looks like the Weevils will win but it will be an utter catastrophe if they do so. Therefore its Magpies all the way for me!!

Well tomorrow I am back at work, it doesn't mean I am over the flu, it just means I am barely alive and kicking as opposed to hearing the knocking of the grim reaper at your door!! Docs generally displays more faith in my body's ability to heal itself than I do and does not give you enough time off work. My current doc is indeed relatively generous, he given me a whole week off work, but docs I have seen before generally gives no more than 3 to 4 days off work. And as I have painfully learned during one particular year the dept docks your pay if you take any extra days off work beyond what is stated on the doc's note even if it is just a single day extra!! We are allowed to take up to two days off work at a time sick without a doc's note but need a note for 3 or more days. However you can NOT add the two days of "without evidence" at the end of the "with evidence" period!! My pay was docked when a few years ago I added just a single such day!! So I could either spend another $50 (after Medicare rebate) at the doc and try to get another few days out of him, or I could just tough it out and go back to work. And since I have gone from " hearing the knocking of the grim reaper at your door" to "barely alive and kicking" which is about an 100% improvement, I probably be better off going back to work. And no our doc does not bulk bill but then he is one of the better docs that we have chosen to commit our health and lifestyle to. It is just unfortunate he doesn't do home visits, that would help Sally, some docs do home visits but Sally is very choosey about her choice of docs. 

And furthermore, I don't think it would cut it with the doc if I went and tell him I need a few more days off work cos I am depressed about the Magpies being beaten by lowly North Melbourne!! But that may be an option if next weekend the Magpies gets beaten by the Weevils. Yes there is a fate worse than death - Collingwood losing to West Coast Eagles!!! If the Weevils beats us I will remove all references to football on these blogs and never talk about football ever again!! I might take up the Dallas Cowboys in Gridiron! LOL! Or perhaps Manchester United in the English football!! LOL!! As for the football tipping we're close enough to the end for the winners to have been already decided - and I am not included for the first time ever, well since I joined the tipping comp a few years ago. Uh well as mother used to say, you can't win them all..... but it be nice if I could do so!!!!

Another warm sunny day, Spring has come early here on the west coast, it's the place to be.... hehe....

Just a quick report, I have been down with the nasty flu strain for two days, every part of me aches, i go from freezing to death to boiling hot sweaty, and my throat is so sore I have not been able to eat for two days except icecream, it is a struggle even to drink. Anyway I was at the doc today mainly to get more time off work, so am off work until at least Monday inclusive. He put me on some high strength codeine. If that doesn't work I will have to go back to see him. But this is looking like the horror month of September last year all over again. Gone are the days when I get over the flu in 2-3 days every 5 years. Last September it took me 4 weeks to get over the flu, and well I think the doc is a little optomistic this time but as I said I can always go back to see him if things doesn't improve by Monday.

Here on one of our rare wet days of winter after a run of clear sunny days of temps up to mid 70s (25 degrees Celcius) but even with the rain it is only a few degrees cooler. It's not often here on the west coast that we get such a wet and windy winter's day!! It will probably clear up tomorrow though they say we would get a little more rain yet.

I see my beloved Magpies won and I am very glad they did even if I tipped against them. You see I tip with my analytical mind, considering the circumstances, relative team forms, the weather, players availability, the ground, what the experts are tipping, and etc. And so given an analysis of these circumstances I thought Sydney would beat us. However my emotions will always root for my beloved team, I will always want my Magpies to win even if they mess up my tipping!! My heart is always with the Magpies regardless of how impossible it seems at the time!!! As for Essendon, well I did tip correctly there, poor ole Essendon just didn't have enough Weeties!! haha!! Anyway not really sure what my tipping score is yet, still waiting for the email as the Essendon match had just finished, but I know I missed at least three so may be an ordinary week. I'm not going to win anything this year anyway so it is kinda a mute point.

This will be my first year that I didn't win any prize in the tipping but then 2012 has been a very bad year on all counts. Worse than the horror years of 1985, 1989-91 and 1994/5. Things has really gone downhill since mother's death at the beginning of 2011, that year has been the worse year of my life thus far except this year 2012 which is even worse.

uhhhh i guess its about time i updated my blog here, being the time to submit this weeks football tips.  I did reasonable last week, gotten six points, but there is always someone in our office pool who gets all 9 points that is correctly tips all nine matches, and last week there were a few of them. This week things are not looking good for the Magpies so I will have to pick Sydney. I am also finding it hard to make a case for Essendon.... hmmmmm..... But hopefully Geelong will beat the Weavils tonight.

I'm yet to do my taxes, still have loads of medical receipts to enter into the computer to add up how much we spent. We always get a rebate for medical expenses cos we spend so much on it, but it means we have to add up all the receipts, and this year there is a lot of it. We won't get as much back anyway cos I think they cut out the spouse rebate which was a major source of my refund check. So instead of $1000s we are now talking only in $100s in the tax check even with the medical rebates. Last year I applied for the Carers allowance from Centerlink and they wouldn't give it to me cos they deemed that Sally's condition would be healed within 12 months. That was November last year when I applied, it is now August and there are no signs of improvement in her conditions. And they say we live in a rich country!! Uh well such is life......

With the moon now full in the sky we can be sure the cursed three weeks is well and truly over. Indeed anciently this is how Jews knew for certain that the three weeks is over, they look up the sky and see the full moon. Tisha B'Av falls on the 9th of the month of Av, the full moon marks the 15th day. And being in the days before there were any computers, internet, electronic devices, atomic clocks, etc, in which they could keep up with the days of the month, they needed to look up the sky. Indeed the full moon of Av marks the Jewish holiday of Tu B'Av known as the Jewish Valentine Day, generally a happy day when they knew for certain the three weeks is over for another year, but also is traditionally a day when weddings are held and Jewish couples goes out on dates - much like the Roman Valentines Day on Feb 14. The day anciently marked the start of the grape harvest, and on this day single Jewish ladies would go out dancing in the vineyard and no doubt plenty of eligible young Jewish guys turned up to the show!! ;) It also happens to be the day when Sally and I met back in 1998 unbeknown to either of us at the time!!

However it has been a rough few days. Sally's condition took a turn for the worse last Saturday being Tisha B'Av, and without going into the gory details we were left to deal with issues connected to her health which took up both my time and energy. Hopefully *touch wood* things are beginning to settle down. There are still no end in sight to the sores, the legacy of the Tisha B'Av period of 2011.

We have had no eviction notices nor any word from the landlord during the three weeks. This does not mean we are out of the woods for such a letter could come at any time, and a likely scenario is that the decision was made to evict us during the three weeks, and the decision just needs to be formalized with a notice - the date of the notice would determine that.

It is noted that the London Olympic Games began on Tisha B'Av. What has this got to do with Jews aside perhaps the few Israeli athletes participating? Well the same could have been asked for the start of World War I also on Tisha B'Av. Afterall the war began in Europe not in the Middle East, and Jews were not involved with the war. But it wasn't until many years down the track when the implication for Jews started to be felt culminating in the holocaust.

Yesterday we received a txt message that $500 was deposited into our bank account, and we had no idea whatsoever where it could have come from. We thought perhaps a Centerlink bonus payment since Sally is on the pension, or some tax compensation though I haven't yet submitted my tax return - I never do during the three weeks!! So I gotten online to check my account and saw that the funds were neither from Centerlink nor the tax office, indeed it wasn't from anyone that we knew. It appeared to be a mistake. So I buzzed off an email to the bank querying the deposit, afterall as it is said, honesty is the best policy, well its a good idea anyway! ;) And within two hours I gotten a reply!! Banks are very quick to attend to queries where funds are CREDITED by mistake, but when it comes to funds being DEBITED by mistake such as possible overcharging of fees, etc, it is forever before we hear back from them!! Nevertheless I was glad to hear from them so soon to have the issue resolved. There had indeed been a few accounting errors with customers receiving deposits by mistake, probably a computer glitch of some sort. The issue would be resolved, and the $500 would be going to its rightful owner - unfortunately not me!! LOL!!

Reading of Lyndy's trip to the US and the trip to Disneyland I wonder if they had been on Space Mountain and whether they still had to wait in a queue for 90 minutes to get on that ride. It was my favorite ride but was only able to go on there twice cos the total wait time was over 3 hours!!! But in spite of my wide travels across the USA I had never been to the north-west (eg Montana, Yellowstone, etc) therefore could not compare notes! LOL! And speaking of their trip to Yellowstone, I thought to mention that Yellowstone is on top of a dormant volcano but just not terribly high compared to the area it covers, and many scientists are predicting that anytime soon the volcano could blow its top wiping out the whole national park and affecting a wide area of that part of America with dense ash clouds, etc, it would be an utter catastrophe, the worst disaster in US history WHEN it happens, its not IF it happens but WHEN. It could happen tomorrow or it may not happen for 100 years, but it apparently has happened a long time ago and is due to happen again. I am glad it didn't happen while Lyndy was there!!!! hehe!!!

I also see noticing one of the pixs being of a gas (petrol) station the fuel is still very cheap in the US even if not as cheap as back in 1998. But allowing for the conversion rate from gallons to litres it is equivalent to about 90c/litre. Here in Perth we are paying aroung $1.40-$1.50/litre!!! And the exchange rate can't be blamed cos the Aussie dollar is now virtually the same as the US dollar. Back in 1998 it was about 60c to the US dollar.

Anyway back to my more mundane existence....  here the pixs of the new driveway as promised. How sad it is that my life is so boring that something like a new driveway courtesy of the council is deemed worthy to be included on this blog.  My current life is so depressingly boring, being reduced to nothing more than a home nurse for a partner whose condition seems to be getting no better, indeed there is no end in sight. It all can be traced back to that fateful night back in 1980 when I saw that UFO, it was that sighting that changed my life and its direction. Most contactees (those who experienced UFO and ET contact, and I experienced both) either end up in the looney bins or join religious cults. Since I had already been in a kind of a "looney bin" at age 5 or so I took the other option - religion. And look where it has gotten me....... I wish I had a Tardis and could go back to 1980 all over again. Anyway......

Today is Tisha B'Av, and Sally's sores has indeed taken a turn for the worst. The leaks have turned into a torrent, you could actually see the fluid dripping out like a tap. Previously it was merely just oozing out more like a slow leak. And the color has changed, from nearly clear with a slight yellow tinge to bright yellow!! Now I am a Physicist and not a Medical Practitioner so I wouldn't know what the color changes means, but being on Tisha B'Av my feeling is it cannot be a good sign.

So far nothing else has happened yet today but then the day is not yet over.

Here's the pixs of the driveway taken early morning before sunrise - must be a good camera phone cos it turned up remarkably bright. But it was another clear day turning out to be sunny once again, the drought on the west coast continues...........

Well I got to "christen" our new driveway this morning, was finally able to use the car again and "christen" the driveway by driving on it on my way out to work. It is sad when the most exciting part of one's life is a new driveway or at least a new bottom part of the driveway.  I will post pixs when I get home, this computer at my workplace is not quite sophisticated enough to accept uploads from my cell phone but my computer at home is set up for it.

We are close to the end of the three weeks with Tisha B'Av being the lunar anniversary of the Temples' destruction starting sundown tonight though being a Sabbath the Jews defers the fast until Sunday - Jews does not fast on a Sabbath except if Yom Kippur happens to fall on a Sabbath which happened last year. The end of the three weeks is often the most intense, and indeed some of the worst calamities to befall Jews happened on the day of Tisha B'Av. The 1st World War began on Tisha B'Av, this led to the holocaust some two decades later, and the eviction from the Warsaw Ghetto also started on Tisha B'Av, those Jews were fated to enter into the holocaust.

This brings me to the football tipping, granted that it is less than miniscule compared to the holocaust nevertheless one's suffering is relative. When things are going relatively well, that is, there is no wars happening in our immediate vicinity, not under occupation of hostile foreign forces who hates Jews, and etc, our "suffering" tends to be focused on more trivial matters - such as my tipping scores!!! And tonight we have Essendon and Hawthorn. On paper its a no brainer but we all know Essendon is good at pulling the rabbit out of the hat, they could turn around and thrash the Hawks thus adding to my already catastrophic points variance given I pick the Hawks. I haven't submitted my tips yet so not going to say who I will pick. Then my beloved Magpies plays tomorrow, Tisha B'Av day, and well again it should be a no brainer but knowing my luck the Giants could turn around and beat us!!! Afterall the match is in Sydney.

Now on not so trivial matter though still miniscule compared to the holocaust..... eviction of another kind, our eviction from our house. As yet we have had no indications of our eviction, no letters from real estate companies, no eviction notices, and no visits from the landlord though had to deal with him in regards to the footpath/driveway. But given that the worst calamities occurs on Tisha B'Av, and in our situation our eviction would be close to the worst calamity to befall us at this particular time, I will be very nervous if we are paid a visit by the landlord tomorrow even just to inspect the new driveway!! Sooner or later he will want to see the new driveway, and he usually comes by on Saturdays if he comes by at all.

I guess we shall wait and see how it all pans out.

Well it was Scenario 2 and option 1 - refer to previous blog!! Sally duly informs me the concrete has been poured and the driveway blocked off. So I booked online a taxi for a specific time and as I waited at the front doors the taxi was on time but was shocked to see TWO taxis arrive!! Well there are often others at work, the more wealthy and higher level office people, who regularly uses the taxi for commutes to and from work, only this time there was no one waiting with me!! So utterly confused as to which taxi to approach, one opened his door and called out my name!! That answers the question. But I will never know whether both taxis responded to my booking or the other was simply waiting for someone else who was either later coming out or the taxi was early.

Anyway we were on our way to the medical supplies place, but such as the curse of the three weeks, when I gotten inside the shop there was another customer before me and she was really taking her time thus costing me money!! The wait time for taxis are I think charged at a higher rate than actual drive time. You see there are two ways to purchase items at the shop, you either order online and you pick it up a day later, or you walk in and order the items in the shop. Unfortunately we both go to the same counter. Pre ordering online is cheaper than simply purchasing the items instore, which is why I take the former option. But the customer before me looked like the type who wouldn't know the meaning of "online" nor ever used a computer in her life! There's a certain look about people who are dimwits when it comes to computers. And she was REALLY taking her time. Its not unusual to be waiting for other customers before being served but they don't usually take so long. This one was taking forever, and the taxi driver was about to come into the shop to see where I was when she FINALLY was through and I was able to simply pick up my order within 5 seconds!! The taxi driver loaded them in the trunk for me. But the taxi fare was at least twice the amount I would have paid if I was served immediately and gotten my order!! Indeed the fare was at least as expensive as if I took the taxi all the way home!! The curse of the three weeks always finds a way to inflict its sting on me!!

But the rest of the exercise went relatively smoothly. We gotten back to my workplace, then I packed up my items and brought with me from the order what I needed only for tonight. And I gotten home on the bus before dark!!

The driveway remains blocked this night, and unless the contractors comes really early and remove the barriers, it seems likely I will be back on the buses tomorrow. I am not sure how long it takes for the concrete to dry but I tend to think  it is 24 hours, and according to Sally, they didn't start work until after 1PM...... anyway tomorrow is Thursday and there are only three more days to go before the end of the cursed three weeks. Saturday is the anniversary of the Temples' destruction.

The saga of the footpath takes more twists during this cursed 3rd week of the three weeks. As stated in yesterday's blog I took the bus in to work today in case they decided to pour the concrete and block access to my driveway for however long it takes for the concrete to dry. But discovered another problem. The need for me to pick up my order of bandages etc TODAY. Silver Chains never provides us with enough bandages and tape, indeed there are days when they don't provide anything at all to get us through the days to their next visit. So we have to provide our own bandages and tapes. And they don't provide the protection sheets that would prevent the fluids from Sally's sores from ruining the chair, so we have to provide our own. This is why we spend $350 or more per fortnite on such supplies hence our life and other priorities are permanently on hold as there is no end in sight to the sores. We order all three items from a medical supply place less than a mile from where I work. So to save on the delivery charge I call in after work to pick them up. And last night we used the last of the bandages so I will need to pick up more today. Problem is I am on foot, and though the place is within walking distance from work, there is simply no way I could carry the large box back to work. Also the box would be too big for carrying on the bus. But I will have to pick up the delivery TODAY, there is no other option. So we have a couple of possible scenarios....

Scenario 1 - They have not started work on the path, or the path hasn't reached our house. Therefore I will take the bus home, then immediately get the car out and travel back to the place. It will be peak hour traffic but for the most part the traffic would be in the opposite direction as I would be traveling towards the city. As long as I get there before 5PM closing time all will be OK.

Scenario 2 - Work had started on the footpath outside our house and our driveway is blocked to vehicular access. This is where I will need to utilize the more expensive taxi option.There are two basic options.

Option 1 - Take taxi to the place, pick up order, then have taxi to drop me back at my workplace, then retrieve only a couple of items which is needed for tonight, leave the box with the rest of the items in my office at work, then take bus back home.

Advantage - Cheaper as it is less than a mile between my work place and the medical supplies place.

Disadvantage - It will take me longer before I reach home. Likely to be dark when I finally reach home. Don't like traveling on public transport in the dark. Dinner will be late, takeout option not available as there are no takeout joints within walking distance of home and don't like walking in the dark anyway. Late start to changing bandages, making it a late night all round.

Option 2 - Take taxi to the place then straight back home.

Advantage - Home quicker, indeed almost as quick as if I drove myself though the taxi is unlikely to know the traffic shortcuts options and won't take them as he would seek to maximize the fare. The whole package will be home with me. Evening routines relatively normal.

Disadvantage - Far more expensive as it is 5 miles back to home as opposed to only a mile to work.

However in spite of more inconveniences I would take Option 1 should Scenario 2 takes place. We have flexi time at work, so can stay up later and come into work later the next day. It remains to be seen what will happen.........

An update on the footpath saga I thought to include some pixs to illustrate my point, you see the bottom of my driveway is all sand as well as along the front of the lawn - where the path will go - you can click on each image for a larger view.....

This the final week of the cursed three weeks and is always the most chaotic week. I think this time it will include the saga of the footpath. As I mentioned a few blogs ago the council is fixin to install a concrete footpath down MY side of the street, and they were to start work on it this week. Well yesterday while I was at work they dug up the front part of our lawn and the bottom part of our driveway in preparation for pouring the concrete. So I had to drive through sand to get back home from work. Then there was a note in the mailbox from the contractor stating that the concrete will be pour "tomorrow" - which now means today.

So I thought.... well.... if they pour the concrete it is going to take some time for it to dry, therefore, if I went to work in the morning I would not be able to get the car back into the driveway and into the garage when I come home. Leaving it parked in the street is not an option due to our high crime rate, this being the 3rd week of the three weeks therefore if anything was going to happen to the car then it surely would then, and furthermore the alarm is not working making it more likely for something to happen to the car. Well it's not that the alarm itself is not working but rather the key clicker that activates the alarm, indeed it has been out of action for some time. Battery is not the problem, I had installed a new battery into the device and double checked to make sure the battery was inserted correctly with the correct polarity in the correct position. So it can't be the battery. It must be something to do with the electronics. And when we spend $300 to $400 per fortnite on bandages etc for Sally, there are nothing left for such things as getting the clicker fixed. So the car continues to be devoid of an alarm, but as long as the car remains locked in the garage each night it should reasonably be OK. Fortunately I am able to park the car just outside the door of the warehouse at work, and my office is next to it, and there are always my colleagues near the door as well as couriers and delivery people, so the car is relatively safe at work. It's just the shopping malls that is the worry but I take simple precautions, not leaving valuables in sight, and etc, and I am never in the shops for too long - I am in then out again usually within the hour. And if I can possibly help it I don't go to the malls at night.

However even if the alarm was working I would still balk at the prospect of leaving the car parked in the street overnight, it is simply not an option without the alarm. Perth being the crime capital of Australia, probably the crime capital of at least most of the western world. It is a fact that our crime rate is higher than that of New York City. The only reason there seems to be more crimes in NYC is simply due to the population being close to that of the whole of Australia as amazing as that is to fit into such a small area of land. However on a per capita basis of population you stand a greater chance of being bonked on the head and having your life savings stolen from you while in Perth than in NYC. During my America trip I visited NYC catching the bus there on my own and was to meet a couple of friends on a NYC street corner just above the underground bus station. They were late due to being held up by the trains so I waited on a NYC street corner on my little lonesome for probably a couple of hours watching all kinds of people passing by, black people, white people, red people, Jewish people and all inbetween people, and I felt perfectly safe. Not once did I feel even remotely threatened by anyone. But if I was to stand on a Perth street corner I'd be forever watching over my shoulder, making sure to keep out the way of any shady characters, and keeping my life's possessions very close to my chest!!! Anyway back to the footpath saga........

Therefore I thought of a bright idea, throw a sickie and stay home. That would eliminate the issue of access to our property by car. However as they say even the best laid plans comes unstuck especially during the three weeks!! This is now mid-afternoon and they still haven't started on the concrete pour, absolutely nothing at all in our whole street. So it seems they would not start until at least tomorrow, and I can't take two sickies in a row - well technically we can, under public service rules we can take up to two consecutive days off work without needing a medical note. However my boss is perfectly within his rights to require a medical note if he gets suspicious that I am just throwing sickies, and this being the three weeks of curses, I am not about to push my luck or lack thereof. So regardless of what happens with the concreting I will have to go to work tomorrow.

So public transport it will be. It's been a while since I caught the bus, and I hope my smart rider card still works and that I still have credit on it. I can check on the Transperth website only that I am not sure if I remember my password, and the email addy I submitted to them probably doesn't exist anymore as I tend to keep separate email addys for separate things and I discard them when no longer used. And I have not much change on me. So I will have to sort that problem out in a bit.

So I guess.... watch this space for updates on the saga of the footpath and the curses of the final week of the three weeks.

This weekend's football tipping and this is rather freaky, exactly the same scenario happened this weekend as had happened two weeks ago at the start of the cursed three weeks. That is I managed to score 7 points with every team picked coming up with the goods EXCEPT Essendon and my beloved Magpies, and the Friday night match suffering a big loss blowing out my points variance. Only difference is, while two weeks ago it was the Magpies who suffered a big Friday night loss, this time it was Essendon who suffered a big Friday night loss blowing out my points variance even more!!!! This all seems strangely synchronistic!! I learned from an early age that there is no such creature as "coincidence". So as far as tipping results goes I managed to escape the curse of the three weeks with a score of 7 from 9 on each of the three weekends but it is the points variance that is killing me and may cost me any chance of any prize money at the end. Where the points are equal when prizes are decided, the one with the lowest points variance will win the prize, this will certainly not be me!! For each of these three weekends my points variances have blown out and is now impossibly high as it is cumulative from week to week - if that makes sense! ;) But I am not out of the woods yet. The cursed three weeks ends next weekend so we have a final weekend where I will once again need to perform my tipping against the background of the three weeks curse.

Well just as I thought would happen being now in the more intense final week of the cursed three weeks the football is rapidly turning into a catastrophic disaster area. Essendon was thrashed last night, losing by a large margin which is another nail in the coffin of my points variance, that I will kiss goodbye. And now my beloved Magpies let me down this afternoon. And so thanks to the curse of the three weeks, this will be the first season where I won't win any prize money.

We're now into the final week of this dreaded period, traditionally the most intense time. Jews traditionally observes more stringent traditions during this what is known as "The Nine Days of Av" being the nine days of the month of Av to the anniversary of the Temple's destruction. I follow no traditions except my own set of "traditions" which is based on personal experiences. Indeed this is how "traditions" evolves in the first place, only that we human tends to adopt the "one size fits all" approach and imposes the traditions on everyone else forgetting that we are all individuals and what works for one may not necessarily works for another. The Jewish traditions, for example, would have been based on the personal experience of a certain Rabbi or other religious leader, and for whatever reason, he decides the traditions which works so wonderfully for him should work for everyone else, hence he imposes them as religious dogma. For example all Jews are commanded to fast on Tisha B'Av, but I do not fast, I just adopt my own personal "traditions" that works for me.

Having said all that, the last few days has been relatively quiet, no major incidences just many "minor" incidences which in itself individually are not unusual but the frequency of them are, more than we usually contend with!! For example being woken up by Sally in the middle of the night one time too many I decided to throw a sickie from work yesterday. That morning turned out to be near the coldest on record being only a degree above freezing. The days are sunny and relatively warm but the nights are freezing cold. Such is life on the west coast, no rain during winter just freezing cold nights.

Next week they are planning on installing a footpath along one side of the street - OUR side!! It will mean a certain amount of interruption of access to our house at least by car, not really sure how it will work out or for how long. It seems certain to create problems for the Silver Chains carers who visits Sally three times per week but I am sure it will not be the first time they will encounter a house with construction works outside!! If I can figure out when the construction of the path reaches our property then I may throw a sickie or catch public transport. But being coincident with the last of the three weeks it will be interesting how it all pans out. When it is finished it will make it easier for me to maintain the front lawn, not only because there will be less of it, but the edgings at the bottom of the driveway where it is all bitumen is a pain in the arse with the lawn growing directly into the bitumen making it almost impossible to pull out - the path which will run directly adjacent to the street will take care of that little problem!! The rest of the driveway is concrete and raised a bit about an inch or two so is easier to maintain the edges.

The football tipping..... so far my tipping seemed to escape the curses of the three weeks aside from the points variance and unexpected loss by the Magpies on the 1st week. This week the Magpies faces a tough opponent in Hawthorn, and well the Essendon/Geelong match is hard to pick as well, that is tonight when we also submit the points variance, so I played it safe and chose a low value, and Essendon to win. I remain loyal to my Magpies at least for this week!! ;)

I wake up and go to work before dawn during these long dark nights of winter, and this very cold and clear morning I saw the thin crescent of the moon in the eastern sky just prior to dawn. Jews from ancient times witnessing this same phenomena will have known that the end of the month is near, the New Moon a day or so later marking the end of the month. Then the next evening the thin crescent of the setting moon in the west  will have marked the start of a new month, the 1st of the month known as Rosh Chodesh. These days the Jews works on a set calendar over a 19 year cycle, nevertheless, even now the New Moon more or less marks the end of the months within no more of a margin than a day.

However this 4th New Moon since the Northern Hemisphere spring will have marked the end of the cursed month of Tammuz and herald to start of the even more intensely cursed month of Av, the most cursed month of the Hebrew year, when the worst of calamities occurred. Three of the worst calamities are the destruction of the Temple in the 6th century BCE, the destruction of the rebuilt Temple in AD70, and the start of World War I which set in motion world events that led to the Jewish holocaust two to three decades later - the worst calamity to befall Jews during these modern times. Indeed all three events occurred on Tisha B'Av that is the 9th day of Av. Related to the third event, the Jews were deported from the Warsaw Ghetto on Tisha B'Av 1942 leading straight to the holocaust. And as recently as 2005 the Jewish settlements were ordered to be dismantled and the Jews expelled from their own land in the Gaza strip on Tisha B'Av, such a tragic order coming from their own government!!! A year later in 2006 the Lebanon war occurred EXACTLY during the three weeks, starting on Tzom Tammuz and ending on Tisha B'Av!! Only a Jew can understand what a terribly cursed month Av is.

It is not yet Tisha B'Av but the month of Av is soon upon us, and last night I burnt my dinner!! I was cooking as I usually do, then Sally needed attention with the bandages, so I turned down the stove. However in spite of this precautionary action I ended up burning the vegies to a crisp, the pot black and unusable. Cleaning it will be pointless. I have killed a pot that I have been using since I first moved out from mother's so many decades ago. Indeed if I remember rightly it was mother who had given me the pot. Now it is a hopeless black mass, the carbon baked on so thoroughly that Gillard would have a field day taxing that one!! LOL!! Needless to say I was rather devastated. That was day 11 of the three weeks........

Now into the 2nd week of the three weeks of horror Sally's sores continue to spread at an ever quicker pace with seemingly no end in sight. It has been an intense weekend.

Today I was at the mall spending Sally's pension check, needing a few items of groceries, and was given permission to get myself some new underwear. To me I see clothing purely as a means to an end and somewhat of a necessary evil, to help abide by society's laws and morals, and at this time of year, to help keep warm. I therefore rarely buy clothes for myself as I find it positively boring. Since my childhood I never liked receiving clothes for my birthday or xmas. I'd get excited at unwrapping toys, etc, but when it comes to clothes I'd be somewhat disappointed. And so even through my teens, and now long into adulthood, I never buy clothes for myself unless I really have to. Underwear least of all. But as my current supply of underwear slowly dwindles due to normal wear and tear, to the point where I have only a single pair and it too developing holes where it shouldn't, I still refuse to spend the money on any new pair. When Sally queries it, I say we spend too much money on bandages etc and so can't afford it. Now Sally orders me to go buy new underwear with her pension check.

Now Jews traditionally do not purchase new clothes of any sort during the three weeks. But I don't necessarily follow Jewish traditions. I simply follow my own set of rules based on personal experiences, such as, never making any purchases of electronic or mechanical items and never doing my tax return during the three weeks. However I don't necessarily have a problem with buying new clothes, certainly not new underwear during the three weeks. I do not belong to the Jewish religion, indeed I don't belong to any religion. I never liked religion with all its rules and regulations, which is why I spent half my life drifting from church to church. I could never reconcile my personal spirituality with the rules and regulations imposed by churches, especially where what one church deems as "evil" another church deems as not only desirable but indeed necessary to be truly "saved" or at least "better" or "more spiritual" than members of the church down the road. I am way over all this kind of crap!! As a saying goes, "religious people are those afraid of going to hell, spiritual people are those who have already been there!!"  And those knowing my life story will know I have already been to "hell" several times over!! Therefore I prefer to consider myself "spiritual" rather than "religious".

Anyway I arrived at the mall during my lunch hour and at first I needed to get some cash out of the ATM. First sign of trouble, my bank's ATM was out of action!! So I went to look for the ATM of a "partner" bank, what I can use to withdraw cash without attracting the fee that is normally charged when accessing the ATM of a "foreign" bank. However the ATM of that particular bank was also out of action!!! Two ATMs of two different banks being the two I needed to use both out of action while every other ATM of other banks were working normally only that to use any of the others would attract a transaction fee, it is only $2 but I consider it a rip off. Banks here in Australia are a law unto themselves, they rake in huge profits and can charge whatever fee they wish to charge. It does NOT cost $2 to access what is essentially an internet connection to access the data associated with my account and then to effect the transaction, indeed the real price is only a few cents. But like in everything else the banks way overcharge on everything hence their huge profits. But on this occasion I needed to use a "foreign" ATM and hence wear the $2 fee, its either that or starve, as I needed the cash to purchase my lunch!!

But that was not the end of the problems. I then went into Target to get a particular kind of underwear that I had gotten from that very same store at the very same mall before. I wear only a particular sort of underwear, am not prepared to go into details on this public blog site! But for reasons which I am also not prepared to reveal on this public site I will wear only that one sort of underwear and absolutely none other. So I went into Target only to find they no longer sell this particular kind!! They had it seems every other kind of underwear EXCEPT the one that I wear. By then I had no time to visit any other department store as I needed to be back at work, and am not likely to be back at the mall until Thursday when I get the privilege of spending my own pay check!!

The football tipping and 7 seems to be my number of choice as once again I managed to score 7 points out of a possible 9. Both my beloved Magpies and also Essendon doing their bit for me!!