The experience of Sally's impending death is different to that of mother's. In regards to mother she had been diagnosed with a disease and we were certain that the disease would eventually kill her. And so over the years as the disease took more and more of her body and her mind, we knew that death is the inevitable result, it was just a matter of time. So when death finally came, it was no great surprise and somewhat of a relief that her suffering is over.
However in regards to Sally, she had health problems but they were not life threatening, indeed they were perfectly manageable and there seemed no reason that any of them would eventually lead to her death. Ironically the greatest threat to her life would be her CIN-2, that is, stage 2 of her cervical abnormalities, stage 3 being full blown cancer. The CIN-2 could have at any time changed to CIN-3 - cancer!! But that never happened and didn't seem to be an issue. She also at times had bleeding from her uterus and it was thought it was indicative of possible cancer, but during her last hospital stay, there were no sign of cancer whatsoever in her body. So Sally would not be dying of cancer any time soon.
The only other threat was that the home nurse did say that if her sores on her legs turned septic the infections could enter her blood and kill her. However I didn't think that was likely, and I was dressing her sores and changing bandages each day. So I really didn't think this would happen.
But it turned out this was exactly what happened!! Her sores turned septic and the infections entered her blood stream and went into her vital organs including her brain. For three weeks prior Sally was so weak that she couldn't get up from her chair, but she seemed very alert, and she kept on saying that she would get up, and that her tiredness was caused by her medications that had known drowsiness side effects, and when ready she would get off her meds so she could stand up long enough for me to dress her sores and clean her up. It was this past weekend that I took her off the meds, and when she fell asleep I just thought it was the residual effects of the meds and that she would wake up by the next day...... unfortunately she didn't wake up!! That was why I called emergency! However she was still breathing normally so I thought she'd be OK. But then there is a reason why i say i am a Physicist not a Medical Practitioner - i studied Physics at school not Bio or Human Bio LOL!!
It was a shock to hear when I gotten to the hospital that she is likely to die from this, and even if for some reason she does survive this, she would never be the same and would have to go into a nursing home..... which would probably kill her just like it killed mother, she died soon after going into a nursing home, up until then she was very much kicking but simply seemed to give up and died only days later after being admitted to a nursing home. So in a way i suppose it is better for Sally to pass away peacefully now while on the morphine rather than being traumatised of being in a nursing home.
Anyway as of yesterday she is in a very deep sleep due to the morphine pump, breathing very slowly, indeed at times she seems to stop breathing for a short time, a few seconds, and i'd think she is finally gone..... then she starts up breathing again!!!
Last night I learned she been moved to a different ward one floor down. I wonder why?? Perhaps it is a special ward for the dying, cos previously she was in the general ward. I guess I will find out when I get there later today.......
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