So Much Happening.....

Here's brief update .....

The Divine Blueprint ceremony with Celestial Temple. My ceremony was last Wednesday and I took the day off work for it, and well it was utterly awesome!!! It confirmed what I already suspected, that is, during many past lives I worked in various Temples here on Earth and on other planets. I knew for a long time, for a few years, that I was a priest on the ancient continent of Lemuria that used to exist in the Pacific Ocean. It also dawned on me why the Jewish "The Three Weeks" that I always write about in these blogs, it dawned on me why it affects me so much!!!! I was a priest in the Jewish Temple during one of my past lives. It was why I was so drawn to Celestial Temple when I first came across it. The website says it is a Temple site for Star Seeds who worked in Temples during past lives - this I did NOT see on the website until AFTER I joined the site. At long last things are coming together for me. And through the ceremonies and energy downloads at Celestial Temple I have the tools to work with the Lunar and Planetary energies that previously had affected me so much.

I am now back on my bicycle, riding to work each day, and making use of home delivery shopping which FINALLY became available in this Luddite city of Perth!! I order most things online, only that most mail order companies are based on the east coast so it takes up to two weeks for items to get here, well afterall, them carrier pigeons aka Australia Post has to make it all the way across the desert!!! But at least the online groceries are local, and there are even online Organics which I am making use of. I eat Organic where possible, and in any case, I am Vegetarian.

So anyway I had my bike serviced last Wednesday, the same day as my Divine Blueprint ceremony, then from Thursday I start riding to work. It is a challenge to get back on my bike after over five years, different muscles are used bicycle riding to walking!!! And for a city that is supposedly one of the flattest on Earth there sure are a lot of hills!! But with 15 speeds on my bicycle, I get there. Over time those muscles will build up, and soon I be riding as easily as walking. So between travel to work and making use of home delivery and mail order, the only time I really use my car is for going to Friday night meeting with my cousin. I could get my cousin to drive me there but I am a fiercely independent soul, and well, it is better to use the car regularly otherwise the battery would run down. But overall I will save about $50 per week in petrol, so it is akin to getting a $50 per week wage rise.

Now to decide the fate of my car. I just this month paid the rego for the year, so I give myself a year to decide whether to fix the head gasket or just trade in for another car. By then I will know whether I managed to save my pennies. With all the savings from petrol, replacing high interest loans with a lower interest rate credit card, and paying bills yearly where possible instead of six or three monthly, I should be able to really save my pennies. But being realistic, even with these measures, it will be a stretch to save the $4000 or so needed to fix the head gasket. Uh well, just have to see how it all pans out over this next year.

Other news..... Caroline is going through her "dark night of the soul" where due to great suffering she questions her beliefs, traditions, etc.... we all go through this, especially spiritual people. I have been through this hence my Star Seed awakening. I hardly hear from her these days but its OK, this is something she needs to work out on her own.

Friendship with Karen all but over, and with the blown head gasket, any trips to York or elsewhere is out of the question. I hardly hear from her, and I don't think she even goes on FaceBook anymore. She hasn't unfriended me, and I won't unfriend her. My focus is on Celestial Temple, things has improved energetically since joining Celestial Temple, it is just what we Star Seeds needed!!!!

I think that is about it, at least on major issues in my life.........

Now I'm back on my bike, here's the vid for it..... though I am in the wrong city to see bicycle riders like those!!!!!.....

Car problems.....

I recently started to notice a loss of water in the cooling system of my car. It wasn't a lot and hardly notice it unless travelling down the Freeway or out in the country, nevertheless, it was a concern. So I decided to book my car in for a long overdue service, and indeed today was the day I had the car serviced.

I gotten the shock of my life!! The reason for the leakage in my car's cooling system is a cracked head gasket!!!! I have no idea how that could have happened, but in hindsight I did notice that problems with the cooling system did start to crop up during September, which is a very bad karmic month for me, September is the worst of the karmic months cos it was the month I came onto this very dense 3D planet.

Now to put it simply, cracked heads means $$$$$$$$...... indeed the estimated cost of repairs is comparable to the value of this 10yo car. So will have to decide whether to go ahead with the repairs or cut my losses and trade in for another car.

Meanwhile I will have to drastically cut the use of my car, which means, getting my bicycle serviced, and using home delivery options for groceries, etc - basically what I used to do before my wife got sick. I rode my bicycle to work each day to save on this extremely expensive substance called gasoline, it is extremely expensive in Australia. It was only when my wife got sick that I had to abandon my bicycle cos of greater demands in being carer for wife. But I suppose since she is now in the higher dimensions, its about time to adopt these measures again.

So first priority is to fish my bicycle out from storage, the storage unit that I am renting and currently containing 90% of my wife's worldly possessions as well as a few of my surplus possessions including a 4x6 caged trailer, then to get it serviced as the bicycle had not been used at all for close to 5 years. This will be done in the next week or so.

It is the case of the less I use the car, the less would be the deterioration of the gasket. At this time the water loss is minimal and evident only when I travel on Freeway or out in the country. But the damage will only increase the more I use it. Hence the need to cut down on car usage by at least 90% which is achievable.

This will buy me time to make decisions on which course of action to take on the car, and to save my pennies........

Uhhhh if only my car could achieve such a transformation......

Um.... I guess about time I updated......

Oh it's been a while.... so much has happened that I will probably keep ya up to speed in stages.....

I must say, the Celestial Temple is the best thing ever to happen to me in regards to spirituality. At long last a group that resonates totally with me!!! It is a star seed orientated group. The priestess is a Sirian, that is, the Sirius star system, the same star system as where my puddy cat comes from, and just like me she has also been on Lemuria. But this is literally ET technology, and it DOES work.

Last month I took part in the Solar Eclipse energy transmission ceremony with the Celestial Temple, coinciding with the solar eclipse on 23 October. The eclipse was actually visible in America, but regardless of whether we can actually see it from our spot on the planet, its energies still affects us. This transmission ceremony does work. As I sat by my Pleiadean shrine, I was holding my crystals and they grew hot in my hands, energy was going through me, and then I felt my 3rd eye chakra (the middle of the forehead just above the eyes) throbbing..... and for the next week or so I slept like a log.

Now we doing the Attunement transmission for November. We do these monthly attunements each month designed to address the specific planetary and stellar configurations for the month. So now being November, we doing the attunement for November. There are some very interesting planetary and stellar energies happening this month, I won't bore you with the details, but me being so sensitive to these energies well I have much interest in them. I have always been interested in Astronomy and Astrology from an early age. The two are actually connected. There should not be any separation between them. Anyway, as part of this month's energy transmission, we astral-project ourselves to a particular star in the Sagittarius constellation - oh yes me and my very vivid imagination!!! I do really feel as if I am really there.

Last but not least I booked myself for the Divine Blueprint ceremony with Celestial Temple, it basically address our soul makeup based on our natal chart - the planetary and stellar configs at the time of our birth. So I am getting a personalised energy transmission, with particular crystal grids, and other things based on my own natal chart. What is a "crystal grid" many asks?.... well basically a pattern of crystals and other items designed to harness the energies of the crystals to help deal with the planetary energies. Here's the crystal grid for last month's solar eclipse.....

Anyway there will be my very own personal grid for my natal chart..... and most interestingly, there will be a copy of my "soul song".... hmmmm...... I am very curious about that!!!! I am so excited to be receiving this Divine Blueprint energy.

Other things has been happening...... will share more hopefully on this weekend......

Anyway with all this talk about star seeds, ETs and planetary energies, this is what is likely to happen to me..... hahahaha.......

The Celestial Temple

We are now in the midst of Mercury's retrograde, one of the horror periods of the year for me. This three week period of Mercury's retrograde which happens three times each years is usually a time for depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts for a sensitive soul like me. Furthermore, this particular period is marked by TWO eclipses, and eclipses themselves are energetically very chaotic for me. Last week I did get to witness the lunar eclipse, the 2nd of the Tetrad of "blood moons" marking the Jewish holidays. We are now in Succot. It is said that this Tetrad of the blood moons will herald difficult times for the Jews, or perhaps massive changes for Jews. Next week will be the Solar Eclipse, which is not visible from here, nevertheless still destined to be a chaotic time for me. I am very sensitive to planetary energies, more sensitive than even most other star seeds.

I recently came across this awesome website the Celestial Temple, and it immediately resonated with me. It is a Sirian star seed site actually based in Australia - Queensland I think, which may explain a lot for some people! LOL! Most people think of those banana benders as being weird. Well I am weird too! So anyway for a while I was a free member of the Celestial Temple, and just this last week I took the plunge and became a paid member. It is only $19 monthly, and this is AUSTRALIAN dollars, so no need to worry about exchange rates!! And I am so glad.

This is not a religion. It is simply a place for energy exchanges. Temples were originally designed as portals for energy exchanges, they were not designed to be religious. It was only through the 3D mindset of humans that Temples later BECAME centers of religion. But originally there were no worship of any deities. The various entities that became the gods and goddesses were revered but never worshipped.

To try keep it as simple as possible, the Celestial Temple is the place where we are empowered to work with the planetary energies through energy transmissions, "light languages" transimissions (basically the languages of ETs, in this instance, Sirians), and self healing. It has already made a difference for me - I self harmed only three times, while usually by now it be at least ten times during this time of Mercury's retrograde!!! A long way to go but it is a start.....

At about the same time, the Astrological forecasts for Virgos would be a change in financial circumstances for the better. That I did not believe. Generally I believe only the negative forecasts, not the positives, cos mainly of my karma - that I would be destined for suffering, depression and heartache on this planet.

Well lo and behold my wage rise finally kicked in this past week, with backpay to June. So now I can breath a bit easier and get ahead even if just by a little bit. It was certainly a chance to reset my very tight budget.

But that was not the miracle. Last week I also applied for a credit card cos I was sent an invite to do so. In the past I had been sent invites for credit cards but was always knocked back. Credit cards being the relatively low interest preference to my very high interest personal loan stemming from Sally's medical expenses, which I am forever extending. Indeed I extended it again just last week since I didn't expect to be accepted for the credit card. The interest rate being about 33% and owing about $3000 on it. And then those evil payday loans with an effective interest rate of about 50%, this keeping me in poverty!! In contrast, credit cards typically have interest rates around 13% with a 55 day interest free period if the balance is paid off within 55 days. So a far more preferable option.

Well anyway, going to the PO box fully expecting to find a rejection letter from the bank, I was delightfully surprised to find three pieces of mail - I had actually been accepted!!!!

When I got back home, there it was indeed, one of the mail contained the credit card, I now have it in my hot little hands. The other was the PIN number, and the 3rd one was the obligatory documentations. I was also surprised at the credit limit they given me, much higher than expected. I didn't put a credit limit on my application, I just wanted to see how much they were willing to give me in the unlikely event of being accepted. Well all I will say is it is way higher than expected, and it effectively given me a safety net in case something major happens, such as, one of my ancient appliances breaking down, or some issue cropping up with the car which is overdue for a service.

So now I can banish those evil payday loans for ever, and can now work on paying off that high interest loan stemming from Sally's medical expenses. The plan is to use the credit card to pay my ongoing household bills, utilities, etc, and in most instances I should be able to pay off the balance within the 55 days thus not paying any interest. This I hope will help me get on top of my budget, and eventually save enough so I won't need credit.

Meanwhile if something does go wrong, such as, with the car, or major unexpected expenses, well a 13% interest rate is way better than the 33% and/or effective 50% interest rate I have been currently subjected to!!! And well, let's put it this way, the credit limit is more than the current worth of my 10 year old Nissan Pulsar!!

Now I just have to visit the bank with my ID documents, set up the online account, and activate the card. This I shall do tomorrow.

So things are finally looking up with the finances..... but as per my karma, when one area of my life improves, another area goes downhill, so in keeping with the karmic balance of my suffering. And the area in which it is going downhill is in regards to Karen. I think I have lost her friendship. I haven't heard from her since that misunderstand I shared about last week, she haven't even acknowledged any of my FaceBook posts. But then our relationship did begin during the Jewish "The Three Weeks" stemming from the destruction of the Temple, and things that begins during "The Three Weeks" are destined for catastrophe and heartache. Uh well..... as they say, karma is a bitch, and a very merciless one in my instance!!!!

It looks like I be losing Caroline as well, though a more slow painful death. She is getting more depressed due to her situation with the hubby, and she tried to commit suicide last week. Most people who tries to commit suicide usually succeeds, which mean, I would eventually succeed, though at this time with the Celestial Temple I am feeling a little better. But it seems the two women in my life who means most to me are slipping from my life.........

We Virgos are so no good at relationships, indeed there are no star sign that are as hopeless in relationships as Virgos..... but I guess I just gotta ride on.......

Vacation and Mercury's Retrograde

This has been a very interesting past few days.....

Last weekend which was a holiday weekend I was on Glory Camp with my cousin. It's the church camp that happens each year, but this was my first time at the camp. I did have an awesome time, with plenty of energy connects to the higher realms, often in the form of music and dancing, but also "soaking times" when we basically meditate where I found myself travelling to the Pleiades star system!! Very intense meditations. I was feeling very energized by the end of the camp. Now it remains to be seen if this will see me through some very intense planetary events - Mercury's retrograde which begins this Saturday which incidentally is also Yom Kippur. The three weeks of Mercury's retrograde is always a very chaotic time for me, I always get depressed, emotionally chaotic, and calamities especially involving computers and electronics. Added to the chaos will be TWO eclipses - a lunar eclipse next week followed two weeks later by a solar eclipse. Eclipse events are also very chaotic for me, so the two combine will be most harrowing!!!! Fortunate I am on vacation for most of this time, indeed I don't go back to work until the 23rd near the end of Mercury's retrograde.

News of the day however was something most unexpected!!! It involves Karen. Basically she turned religious!!! I really don't understand why. Like me she has previously been involved in the church and for a while have embraced Christianity. Then also like me, she was awakened out of religion and discovered her star seed identity, and as I have been sharing here, we shared much in common in regards to our star seed identities that we concluded we are star siblings who came from the same ship. However since coming back from camp I did sense a change in the vibes though I could not quite put my finger on it, indeed, I put it down to the upcoming Mercury's retrograde, I thought it was just me!!!! But today when I heard back from Karen for the first time since the camp, I was in shock!!! She basically renounced her ET and star seed beliefs and had gone BACK into religion. Now WHY would anyone who came out of religion and became enlightened would actually be willing to leave this enlightenment behind and go back into religion!!!! She didn't give much away as to how it happened, but I asked questions, and hopefully I will hear back from her.

When I saw her two weeks ago for my birthday she did mention that she started going back to church. And well since I have been going back to church since March thanks to my cousin, I thought nothing of it aside from the fact of another synchronicity. Our lives seems so parallel. As I have gone back to church, she is also going back to church. However I have NOT renounced my star seeds beliefs nor any other forms of spirituality. I see Christianity as being just one aspect of the greater picture. Indeed all forms of spirituality do have common core values, and there are similarities between them all. All are just different parts of the elephant. I do enjoy my times at church, the music and dancing, the energy connects, and etc.

Karen basically told me what most Christians believes about ETs, that they are just "demons" sent to deceive us. Christians have a very limited view of the spirit realm and are very dualistic in their viewpoints. Basically there is the devil, Satan and the demons..... then the angels, and God - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. That is the extent of their knowledge of the spirit realm. So anything else that is revealed about the spirit realm, whether it be ghosts, fae beings, elementals, goblins, ETs, etc, are all lumped as being just different forms of "demons". That is the common viewpoint of devout Christians including most of those at my church.

Now WHY have Karen have gone back to such a belief system after being so enlightened??? Well I really don't know!!! I hope she will tell me the next time I hear from her. Probably one significant factor is that she attends a conservative church, indeed the Salvation Army church in York, while I attend a Charismatic Renewal church who are more in touch with the spirit realm. My church tends to be more accepting of people with alternative viewpoints even if the church officially does not embrace such viewpoints. However the more conservative churches tends to demand specific renouncement of any alternative viewpoints as a condition of church membership.

Whatever the case this obviously changes the dynamics of our friendship. I hope we remain in contact with each other, but it looks like there won't be any more trips to York for me, and even if we do by any chance see each other again, it will be very different. No more talks about ETs and star seed stuff.

Lonely indeed are the star seeds. After 8 years I finally met another star seed in person...... only to lose her to religion!!!!! So now I have to find another star seed within driving distance of this isolated little city, and I hope it won't take me another 8 years!!!!! There are plenty of star seeds on this planet, there are whole groups of them on FaceBook and other social media, only that they are all either on the east coast or overseas. There are no other star seeds even in Western Australia let alone in Perth itself!!!!! Uh well...... it is probably my karma to be a lonely wandering wolf, destined to be ever wandering alone, never to find a place to settle, never to find a place to call home.........

I'm just a lonely star seed, lonely and blue..... ohhhhh all I want is another star seed to share with in person, earth form being female, she doesn't have to be Pleiadean, she can be Sirian, Andromedean, Reticuli, or anywhere.... afterall I am from many other of these star systems...... uh well....... lonely indeed are the star seeds.........

Best Birthday Ever

Oh this would have to be the best birthday ever!! I am so glad my beloved Star Sister Karen came into my life during this current incarnation, she turns everything into gold, and I just feel so alive when I am with her, it is like life is worth living again !!

The day started with my usual Saturday morning walk, though I didn't walk quite as far, so giving myself enough time for the trip to York. During that time I gotten a msg from my cousin and one from my Aunty and Uncle, but that was it from this side of the universe.

Then the trip to York which is akin to the highway to Heaven to meet an angel from Heaven.... ooohhhh..... *sigh*

At around Midland I gotten a msg from my sister, it turned out she's on vacation on the south coast! That would explain why I hadn't heard from her until now!! No one else from this side sent me msgs. But it didn't matter cos I was on my way to my angel from Heaven, Karen, and being with her is like a dream come true..... *sigh*

I got held up in traffic in Midland thanks to a road train with an oversize load, I guess it what happens when you cross the major route to the North West. So I was destined to be a little late getting to York..... And I was soon on my merry way feeling like 7th heaven... And about half way through the trip the car started to overheat, probably cos it was the hottest September day on record!! How weird is that? My birthday being the hottest Sept day on record, it turned out it reach nearly 35 degrees Celcius in Perth, so probably hotter in York. So that is probably way the car started to overheat, not badly, it didn't go into the red but it was uncomfortably close to it..... and my cruise control failed!! It just meant I had to drive the old fashioned way! This was the first time the car overheated and the cruise control failed. However at least the car was still going, just couldn't push it quite so hard.

And so I was running late, therefore I started to send telepathic msgs to Karen. We DO have telepathic connection. About a week ago when I would tune into her radio show like a hopelessly devoted fan that I am.... *sigh*.... I somehow "knew" she be late getting on. So it was no surprise when I tuned in and her show hadn't started. She was only about 5 minutes late. And when she arrived, she sent me a msg on FaceBook saying she sent me telepathic msg that she be running late cos she was helping out at a fair in Northam and had gotten held up. That is how I "knew" she'd be late!! Last week she played a UFO-theme song and dedicated it on air to me!!! oooohhhh.......

So anyway, when it became clear I would indeed be running late, I started to send telepathic msgs to Karen.... and indeed as I got closer and closer to York, I was giving her a running commentary via telepathy. When I reached York I sent a txt msg back to my sister telling her I am spending the day in York.... this would have shocked her like a stunned mullet!! haha!!!

Then literally the instance I turned into Karen's driveway, she came out from the back..... and she said to me, "I KNEW you would arrive at that exact time!!!!" So yes definitely telepathic connection between us.

Well she gave me gifts.... not just one but several!!!! It turned out these be the only gifts that I would receive on my birthday, aside from some very much needed and extremely appreciated moolah from my Dad, but not even a card from anyone else..... but again I didn't care..... Karen is all that mattered to me this day!! Among the gifts are two CDs with crystals music and Native American music, oh she knows me so well!!!!!.... and two books, one an ET sci-fi novel, and another more Star Seed kind of stuff.... and a jigsaw puzzle... wow!!!!.... and best of all, artwork that she did just for me..... ohhhh such an angel from Heaven she is!!!!

We walked into town and she bought me lunch..... in York you can walk anywhere to get anywhere cos it is such a small town..... Then we walked by the river, and sat by the river, and she showed me her tatts! Well being hot she wasn't wearing as much, and I DO love women with tatts, I think it is so sexy on women!! Karen has four in total with Native American, Wiccan and nature themes..... she was once a Wiccan High Priestess, in other words, a Witch... hehe.... anything thing I so loved about her.... she is everything I am interested in!!!!.... and well, if I hadn't led such a sheltered life I would have gotten tatts myself but I think all of my family would faint in shock!!! As far as I know, none of my family has tatts. But anyway I loved it on Karen.

Then I learned that later tonight there is a Bush Dance event, that she is going, and a seat is booked for me!! It sounded great but I wished I knew before I came, cos being hot I was just in shorts and sandals. My Virgo worry-wart tendency kicked in, I wished I had brought a change of clothes!! Uh well I wasn't going to let that bother me, I'd be with Karen, so nothing else mattered!! The original plan was I would be with her, until her radio show when I be with her in the studio, then go home after she finished at 9pm. But now the Bush Dance after the radio show, it's gonna be a very late night but I didn't care, being with Karen is my dream come true.... *sigh*

Anyway we walked to the Town Hall which is where the Bush Dance was being held, and we spoke to the band members and organisers, who assured me that my current attire would be perfectly ok. I forget this is a country town, it is not like the city where things are more formal. Also we get free entry due to Karen's radio show talents.

We walked back to her place for a bit, then to the radio station. Since we would be going to the Dance straight from the radio show, Karen had changed into the most fabulous dress for the Dance, sheer in places so her tatts showed through! Ooohhhhhh I was in love!!!!! *swoon*.... and here I am in just my shorts! Uh well.....

When she got started on her show, she did an on-air dedication to me for my birthday, and played the Birthday song by the Beatles!!! That was so special..... oooohhhhh.... what an angel she is!!!! I so love being in the studio during her show, she is really in her element, such a free spirit, and very good at what she does...... if I shall say so myself..... perhaps slightly biased.... but only slightly.... hehehe.......

Then we were off to the Bush Dance..... and ooohhhh what an awesome time I had..... especially dancing with Karen.... well it was bush dances, ya know, folk dancing, nevertheless, it felt like I was in Heaven when dancing with her..... and there was champagne on offer.... Actually Karen brought along a bottle of champagne also for me, which we shared.... then someone else offered us another bottle which we gladly accepted... hehe..... dunno if it was my higher vibrational energies or the fact that I hadn't drunk for several years due to leading a sheltered life being carer for Sally.... but I had only four glasses and I was feeling dizzy..... but then just being with Karen and dancing with her would probably make me dizzy in happiness even without the alcohol.... hehehe......

And well by the time I waited long enough for the effects of the alcohol to wear off a bit..... and begin my long trip back home.... it was about 2am when I arrived.... but ohhhhhhhhh........ this was the most fabulous birthday ever..... it tops my 21st and my America birthday....... And this time my cruise control worked fine.... so I guess it fails when the motor overheats, perhaps some kind of safety measure?.... hmmmm..... I will need to get the radiator checked, it was serviced less than a year ago!!!! Uh well.....

Now Karen invited me to a Medieval theme event in York next month..... have to see what I can dress up as..... I can't wait to see what Karen will dress as..... perhaps a princess..... oooohhhhh that is what she is...... a princess....... *sigh*.......

This song is how I feel when I'm with Karen........

Looking Forward To My Birthday!!!

It is now Wednesday night, just two days before my birthday, and I still haven't heard boo from my family as to any plans that they may have for my birthday..... but I am not bothered in the least.... cos totally unbeknown to them, I have my own plans for the day, and it all involves my beloved star sister Karen!!!!! This is gonna be the best birthday of my life, or at least in the top 5 of best birthdays. I just feel so alive when I am with Karen, its like walking three feet off the ground.

It would not be difficult to pick a top 5 birthdays in my life. The day has been often marked by torment and pain. There were times through my childhood when I'd just burst into tears on my birthday for no apparent reason. It was very much love/hate. On the night before my birthday, after I went to bed, Mother would come in and leave my present on my table in my room, I'd pretend I be asleep but in reality I was wide awake cos I knew she be doing this!! She does it each year.  Then a little while after Mother goes to bed and the house is in darkness, I'd get up and as quiet as a mouse I'd go close the door, taking care not to make any noise whatsoever, then ever so carefully unwrap the present, taking care to keep the noise of the wrapping paper to an absolute minimum. It would take me ages to accomplish this but it was worth it once I was able to see what I had gotten. I would not sleep at all that night.

That part was great, but always proved to be anti-climatic. The rest of the day was an emotional rollercoaster, tormenting at times..... Mother would try hard to make my birthday special for me.... when I moved out, even when I was with Barbara, my Mother would always call me first thing in the morning on my birthday to wish me Happy Birthday, and I would always go to her place for dinner, which always included a birthday cake made from chocolate mud cake!!!!.... nevertheless the torment was always there..... fast forward to the last few years, my birthday became even more tormenting after Mother was diagnosed with the disease. Each birthday she would grow worse, and indeed the birthday of 2009 would be the last time I would receive any gifts from her - a computer game and the model building kit of the space ship. I still play the video game to this day, being an online MMO game, with new maps and levels being added over the years..... and I am currently working on the space ship, my progress occasionally posted on Instagram and FaceBook.

By 2010 the disease reach the stage where Mother's mind was affected, it was basically dementia, one of the symptoms of the disease, and she had forgotten all about my birthday, indeed she had forgotten all about me!!!! Mother was destined to pass away early in 2011, so no more birthdays with my Mother, no more early morning calls from her, no more dinners at Mother's with chocolate mud cake.... Sally's sickness saw that I would not celebrate my birthday at all, with the September from hell in 2011 when Sally's health conditions first manifested.... 2012 was not much better.... and well 2013 was my first birthday since Sally's death, and so did have afternoon tea at Mother's house but it was just not the same without Mother.......

However I did have some really good birthdays over the years, such occasions can unfortunately be counted on one hand with fingers to spare. One very memorable birthday was in 1987, my first year at the New Day church, it just happened to be on a Sunday that year, and the people at New Day made it so special for me!!!! My 21st Birthday in 1984 was also an awesome day, the Brethren church which I attended at the time threw a party for me at someone's house, then of course the big party with my family, this at the Dawes-Smith household, and it was when I received my first computer - the Commodore 64!!! And then my birthday in 1998, when I was still in America, and I had just flew back to Texas to be with Sally, and she baked me a chocolate Coca-Cola cake - yes a chocolate cake made also with a can of Coke!!!! So that is THREE birthdays that really stood out as being wonderful birthdays for me!!! Perhaps a distant 4th best birthday would be my 10th birthday when I received my first bicycle, and when Mother allowed me to invite probably about 20 friends to the party - one of them was the girlfriend I was going out with at the time, and we were holding hands as Mother took the pic of the whole group!!!!

So just FOUR birthdays that really stood out for me, where the  joy-pain ratio was substantially more on the "joy" side than 50-50!!!

This Saturday will be the FIFTH such birthday, it will be at least in the top 5..... cos I be spending most of the day in York with Karen!!!!!! I just feel so alive with her, and just one look into those mesmerizing eyes of hers is enough to melt away any pain or torment I may be feeling in my life!!! Not to mention her very long hair that goes past her waist, which she often wears as one long platt, just like the hippie that she is, but at times she wears it out for me..... it is longer than Sally's hair.....

So being on a Saturday I will still be going for my walk as usual, though it won't be as long of a walk. I am due in York by about lunchtime when Karen will take me to a Vegan restaurant for lunch, well a restaurant with Vegan options anyway...... then we just be spending the afternoon together... and then I be accompanying her to the radio station and being with her while she does her excellent radio show.... she does such an awesome job.... I listen to it online each Saturday evening.... and this Saturday I will be with her in the studio, I get to listen to her first hand!!!!.... and well that be the culmination of what I fully expect to be an utterly wonderful day. I can not think of a better way to spend a birthday than with Karen..... this is the first birthday in a long time that I actually looking forward to!!!! And she said she had bought gifts for me.... ooohhhh..... I am so eager to see what she has for me!!! Perhaps some crystals!!! No one else would get me crystals, but Karen would get me crystals..... or perhaps anything..... she knows what I like, she knows me so well..... ooohhhh what surprises she has for me...... Oh what a wonderful day it will be......!!!!

So it wouldn't matter if my family ignores me..... but I don't think they will ignore me.... they will just leave it to the last minute to text me with any plans, or they will perhaps just drop around on the Saturday to see me..... assuming I be home all alone..... they will be in for a shock, cos unless they happen to catch me in the inbetween time between my walk and my time in York, they will find that I am not home!!!! haha!!!! Or they may text me for a dinner on the Saturday, but again they are in for a shock cos I be with Karen.... hehehe..... and just to think that right now they be assuming I be spending the day alone, blissfully unaware that I be anything BUT alone!!!! I love to shock my family!!! Only my cousin knows about Karen, I tell her a few things during our regular times in church together, but the Dawes-Smith usually has no communications with the Pasco side of the family, not by design, just different lifestyles.... so anyway......

Now THIS is the kind of birthday song that Karen and I would be singing..... hehehe.......