It would not be difficult to pick a top 5 birthdays in my life. The day has been often marked by torment and pain. There were times through my childhood when I'd just burst into tears on my birthday for no apparent reason. It was very much love/hate. On the night before my birthday, after I went to bed, Mother would come in and leave my present on my table in my room, I'd pretend I be asleep but in reality I was wide awake cos I knew she be doing this!! She does it each year. Then a little while after Mother goes to bed and the house is in darkness, I'd get up and as quiet as a mouse I'd go close the door, taking care not to make any noise whatsoever, then ever so carefully unwrap the present, taking care to keep the noise of the wrapping paper to an absolute minimum. It would take me ages to accomplish this but it was worth it once I was able to see what I had gotten. I would not sleep at all that night.
That part was great, but always proved to be anti-climatic. The rest of the day was an emotional rollercoaster, tormenting at times..... Mother would try hard to make my birthday special for me.... when I moved out, even when I was with Barbara, my Mother would always call me first thing in the morning on my birthday to wish me Happy Birthday, and I would always go to her place for dinner, which always included a birthday cake made from chocolate mud cake!!!!.... nevertheless the torment was always there..... fast forward to the last few years, my birthday became even more tormenting after Mother was diagnosed with the disease. Each birthday she would grow worse, and indeed the birthday of 2009 would be the last time I would receive any gifts from her - a computer game and the model building kit of the space ship. I still play the video game to this day, being an online MMO game, with new maps and levels being added over the years..... and I am currently working on the space ship, my progress occasionally posted on Instagram and FaceBook.
By 2010 the disease reach the stage where Mother's mind was affected, it was basically dementia, one of the symptoms of the disease, and she had forgotten all about my birthday, indeed she had forgotten all about me!!!! Mother was destined to pass away early in 2011, so no more birthdays with my Mother, no more early morning calls from her, no more dinners at Mother's with chocolate mud cake.... Sally's sickness saw that I would not celebrate my birthday at all, with the September from hell in 2011 when Sally's health conditions first manifested.... 2012 was not much better.... and well 2013 was my first birthday since Sally's death, and so did have afternoon tea at Mother's house but it was just not the same without Mother.......
However I did have some really good birthdays over the years, such occasions can unfortunately be counted on one hand with fingers to spare. One very memorable birthday was in 1987, my first year at the New Day church, it just happened to be on a Sunday that year, and the people at New Day made it so special for me!!!! My 21st Birthday in 1984 was also an awesome day, the Brethren church which I attended at the time threw a party for me at someone's house, then of course the big party with my family, this at the Dawes-Smith household, and it was when I received my first computer - the Commodore 64!!! And then my birthday in 1998, when I was still in America, and I had just flew back to Texas to be with Sally, and she baked me a chocolate Coca-Cola cake - yes a chocolate cake made also with a can of Coke!!!! So that is THREE birthdays that really stood out as being wonderful birthdays for me!!! Perhaps a distant 4th best birthday would be my 10th birthday when I received my first bicycle, and when Mother allowed me to invite probably about 20 friends to the party - one of them was the girlfriend I was going out with at the time, and we were holding hands as Mother took the pic of the whole group!!!!
So just FOUR birthdays that really stood out for me, where the joy-pain ratio was substantially more on the "joy" side than 50-50!!!
This Saturday will be the FIFTH such birthday, it will be at least in the top 5..... cos I be spending most of the day in York with Karen!!!!!! I just feel so alive with her, and just one look into those mesmerizing eyes of hers is enough to melt away any pain or torment I may be feeling in my life!!! Not to mention her very long hair that goes past her waist, which she often wears as one long platt, just like the hippie that she is, but at times she wears it out for me..... it is longer than Sally's hair.....
So being on a Saturday I will still be going for my walk as usual, though it won't be as long of a walk. I am due in York by about lunchtime when Karen will take me to a Vegan restaurant for lunch, well a restaurant with Vegan options anyway...... then we just be spending the afternoon together... and then I be accompanying her to the radio station and being with her while she does her excellent radio show.... she does such an awesome job.... I listen to it online each Saturday evening.... and this Saturday I will be with her in the studio, I get to listen to her first hand!!!!.... and well that be the culmination of what I fully expect to be an utterly wonderful day. I can not think of a better way to spend a birthday than with Karen..... this is the first birthday in a long time that I actually looking forward to!!!! And she said she had bought gifts for me.... ooohhhh..... I am so eager to see what she has for me!!! Perhaps some crystals!!! No one else would get me crystals, but Karen would get me crystals..... or perhaps anything..... she knows what I like, she knows me so well..... ooohhhh what surprises she has for me...... Oh what a wonderful day it will be......!!!!
So it wouldn't matter if my family ignores me..... but I don't think they will ignore me.... they will just leave it to the last minute to text me with any plans, or they will perhaps just drop around on the Saturday to see me..... assuming I be home all alone..... they will be in for a shock, cos unless they happen to catch me in the inbetween time between my walk and my time in York, they will find that I am not home!!!! haha!!!! Or they may text me for a dinner on the Saturday, but again they are in for a shock cos I be with Karen.... hehehe..... and just to think that right now they be assuming I be spending the day alone, blissfully unaware that I be anything BUT alone!!!! I love to shock my family!!! Only my cousin knows about Karen, I tell her a few things during our regular times in church together, but the Dawes-Smith usually has no communications with the Pasco side of the family, not by design, just different lifestyles.... so anyway......
Now THIS is the kind of birthday song that Karen and I would be singing..... hehehe.......
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