Beginning life without Sally

First the football results and it looks like my close game bad luck is destined to continue from last year when in every close match decided by less than a goal (6 points) the team i did NOT pick would be the winner. Last night Richmond beat Carlton by 5 points and guess who I picked? - bloody Carlton!!!!! So my current win-loss standings in the tipping is 1-2. Now I have to sit on this for a whole day cos being Good Friday there are no matches. I will have to wait until Saturday afternoon before I have the chance to salvage this mini-catastrophe, but I SHOULD get a point from that match - Western Bulldogs and Brisbane Lions, and on paper Brisbane should canter over the finish line with lengths to spare! Of course it could be a different story once the teams gets out onto the realities of the field, but at least on paper it should be a near-certain result which would bring my record to 2-2.

Anyway it was a quiet day yesterday with no phone calls from the family of this side of the continent which I am kinda glad about cos it would have been to do with funeral arrangements and i kinda needed a break. I can't imagine too much would be done today being Good Friday and everything is shut down, all of the shops are closed apart from convenience stores so probably everything else is shut down. I think the meeting with the funeral director will take place over the weekend. Being Easter weekend does complicate matters a bit.

My sleeping patterns is out of whack, I drop in my tracks by 9pm and am up again by 3 or 4am. That be OK once I get back to work cos in the days before Sally gotten this seriously sick I'd be up by 5am arriving at work by 7am and leaving 3:30pm, the earliest allowed time under our flexi-time arrangements. More recently I still be getting up at 5am but due to the care Sally needed, changing of bandages, pads, towels, etc, and dealing with the laundry, I be lucky to make it to work by 8am, then I'd have to come home during my lunch break for more bandages and pads changes, cleaning Sally up, etc, and so in order to get my 7.5 hours in I'd have to work until 5pm. Now of course I be free to start working from 7am again and getting off at 3:30pm. In due time I would be back on my bike. I have been off my bike for over two years due to the fact that I often needed to race home from work at all times to attend to Sally plus I was constantly exhausted so could not have coped with riding my bicycle. But now I can get back on my bike although I will take my time about it, probably be several weeks, and my bike will probably need a service as it had been sitting in the garage growing cobwebs for over two years. It's an expensive bike, cost me over $700, so it's not just any ole bike that you get from K-Mart!! So it will need a professional service at a bike shop, gone are the days when I would maintain my bike on my own.

So yesterday I was up before dawn, and after having breakfast and getting online for a bit, I went to the shops to spend my paypacket. The shops was more busy than usual as people seem to panic buy owing to the fact that the shops would be closed all day the next day - one of two days of the year when the shops are not open, the other day being Xmas Day. It was forever to get into the parking lot and had to walk for miles, even at the little local mall that has only two supermarkets and no other major stores just little specialty shops. So the shopping trip took the rest of the morning, and it was a quiet afternoon at home. Kept myself busy, tidying up the house. Had been getting all the supplies of bandages, pads, and other medical supplies together. It is enough to fill two large boxes which are now temporarily located in her craft room. I'm yet to figure out what to do with them all as obviously Sally won't be needing them anymore!!! So far the Living Room is now pretty well cleaned up. The hospital will probably in due time make arrangements to pick up her electric recliner chair, it was basically a lifetime loan item from the hospital, and it would be returned to the hospital after the end of her life. It is a huge chair taking up much of the Living Room!! Once the chair is gone the Living Room will be very empty, there are no couches due to both lack of room and the fact that since 2 years ago Sally could not sit on a normal couch, she needed this special recliner chair. So we just have the coffee table, a dinning room table, a tank with hermit crabs in them, our wireless router from which we connect to the world, a few chairs, the large flatscreen TV, and our family heirloom - an antique glass cabinet that mother gave us just before she got sick, I understand it was passed down from Nanna and Pop, indeed I think it came from the farm, probably worth a bit but there is no way I will ever sell it, it is my only significant item from mother!! It has the original glass and everything else original. I should probably have it valued, then my contents insurance premium will probably go through the roof to cover this item!!

Then there is my computer room, and I had kept a lot of the surplus bandages and other supplies in there, only taking minimal supplies into the Living Room as needed. So spent much of the afternoon cleaning out my computer room and filling the two boxes worth of supplies. My room hasn't been this tidy in ages!! Mother would be pleased. She would always be tidying my room back in my childhood and teen years, and since her death I'd occasionally hear objects in my room being moved, as if mother was there trying to clean my room. I felt her spirit had come at times hence the objects being moved!! So all that is left to do in my room are the cupboards and shelves, much of it containing surplus items of Sally. Then there is her craft room which she hadn't set foot in for many months due to her mobility problems. Then my bedroom which had Sally's spare linen stored for when they needed changing in her chair. She lived and slept in her chair, she couldn't sleep in our bed as she was unable to get up from the bed due to it being too low and also she can't sleep flat as it caused her breathing difficulties, she always needed to sleep in a reclined position hence her chair. So for two years she slept in her chair, there be linen, sheets, blankets, etc, and they'd needed changing regularly, so the surplus were kept in my bedroom. And finally the garage which has a lot of Sally's surplus craft items that she was planning to use before she got sick. So the next few weeks during my spare time will be spent cleaning and organizing the house room by room.

Anyway we shall see how today pans out........

Football - the rest of round 1

Here the moment of truth is about to arrive, the last seven games of round 1. First round tips are always the most difficult to make and I was happy with my 1-1 result last week. Now if I can just get another 3 or 4 points from 7, about 50% correct, that would make me reasonably happy and give me a reasonable start for the season that I can build on as this year's team forms becomes more obvious. But with the Easter weekend this round is most drawn out so I will be anxious for longer. We have tonight's game, Carlton and Richmond, and most seem to figure Carlton should win. Then I have to wait a whole day for the next match owing to the fact that there are no matches on Good Friday, said to be the most holy day on the Christian calendar, never mind that according to historical data and the Jewish calendar Jesus' death didn't even occur on a Friday - but as they say, we won't let facts get in the way of a good story even though I will be deprived of a football match, and more nail biting if I miss tonight's tip which is Carlton.

A couple of games on Saturday seems to be no brainers on paper - the only way the Lions would lose against the Bulldogs is if they just don't turn up LOL, and the same applies for Sydney over GWS. If I don't get two points out of those matches then probably no one else will either. Gold Coast won't be so easy to beat this year. Melbourne and Port Adelaide very much toss of a coin, and I hope I don't repeat my bad luck record from last year - close games by less than 6 points usually goes to the team that I did NOT pick!! As for North Melbourne and my beloved Magpies, well slightly biased here, but if the Magpies don't win that one I will be the man on Mars!! Finally on Easter Monday we have Hawthorn and Geelong, not as easy a pick as some would say - I have my money, well at least my tip, on Hawthorn but it seems destined to be touch and go, and could decide whether I have a good round or a mediocre round.

Now for tonight's match...... just getting started.....

Sally suffers no more

Oh what a day it was....... Sally passed away peacefully approx 9am yesterday - March 27 2013 - Full Moon day and the 2nd day of Passover.

I woke up with the birds as usual on that day.... and was just finishing breakfast and planning to be online a bit and a bit of work around the house in the morning before heading off to the hospital for my usual afternoon visit. Alas! It was not to be. Not long after 9am I received THAT CALL!!! Sally had just passed away.

So I headed up to the hospital to see her as I needed to see it for myself and was soon joined by other family members. Oh she looked so peaceful laying there apart from the fact her skin lost a bit of color, i guess it what happens when one dies. We spent a bit of time paying our last respects then we all headed down to the hospital cafe for a drink and a bite to eat. And after a while we made our first inquiries in regards to her funeral. As per family tradition she will be cremated. We will have a church minister or pastor take the service as that is what Sally would want. Then by around lunch time I was back home again and trying to come to terms with what had just happened.

Sally was listed as an organ donor, and so it wasn't long before I received the call in regards to donating her organs. Unfortunately due to the blood infection all her organs were shat to pieces, the only thing left that was still healthy were her eyes - those beautiful brown eyes - or more specifically the corneas. And so as the nearest kin I was the one to be going through formalities over the phone, being asked all these questions which I guess is legally required, and now all is set in motion for her corneas to be donated allowing two people to be able to have their sight restored.

So today is another day, and being payday, my plan is to go to the mall for a bit of shopping. Of course I need only buy for myself now, no longer needing to buy for Sally, and no longer needing to order bandages and other medical supplies as I have so regularly done so for longer than I care to remember!! No more trips to the medical supplies shop!!

There will probably be other formalities I will have to attend to today sometimes. I am leaving most of the arrangements to Debra and Pasco as I really have no idea what to do and what to expect. It's not like I have a nearest kin die on me every day!! Of course Pasco would have gone through all this before with mother's death. I chose the funeral company and the place of the service then leaving it to Debra and Pasco to make the arrangements, so probably will have phone calls through the day for me to make the important decisions then leaving them to sort out the gory details. I think within the next couple of days or so we will all meet with the funeral director to discuss details.

Now begins my life without Sally..... I did say that changes in my life usually occurs around Passover each year, I just didn't know that the changes this year would be quite so drastic!!!!!!

Life goes on.... and that includes football..... more of my football musings a bit later on.....

In Deep Sleep

The experience of Sally's impending death is different to that of mother's. In regards to mother she had been diagnosed with a disease and we were certain that the disease would eventually kill her. And so over the years as the disease took more and more of her body and her mind, we knew that death is the inevitable result, it was just a matter of time. So when death finally came, it was no great surprise and somewhat of a relief that her suffering is over.

However in regards to Sally, she had health problems but they were not life threatening, indeed they were perfectly manageable and there seemed no reason that any of them would eventually lead to her death. Ironically the greatest threat to her life would be her CIN-2, that is, stage 2 of her cervical abnormalities, stage 3 being full blown cancer. The CIN-2 could have at any time changed to CIN-3 - cancer!! But that never happened and didn't seem to be an issue. She also at times had bleeding from her uterus and it was thought it was indicative of possible cancer, but during her last hospital stay, there were no sign of cancer whatsoever in her body. So Sally would not be dying of cancer any time soon.

The only other threat was that the home nurse did say that if her sores on her legs turned septic the infections could enter her blood and kill her. However I didn't think that was likely, and I was dressing her sores and changing bandages each day. So I really didn't think this would happen.

But it turned out this was exactly what happened!! Her sores turned septic and the infections entered her blood stream and went into her vital organs including her brain. For three weeks prior Sally was so weak that she couldn't get up from her chair, but she seemed very alert, and she kept on saying that she would get up, and that her tiredness was caused by her medications that had known drowsiness side effects, and when ready she would get off her meds so she could stand up long enough for me to dress her sores and clean her up. It was this past weekend that I took her off the meds, and when she fell asleep I just thought it was the residual effects of the meds and that she would wake up by the next day...... unfortunately she didn't wake up!! That was why I called emergency! However she was still breathing normally so I thought she'd be OK. But then there is a reason why i say i am a Physicist not a Medical Practitioner - i studied Physics at school not Bio or Human Bio LOL!!

It was a shock to hear when I gotten to the hospital that she is likely to die from this, and even if for some reason she does survive this, she would never be the same and would have to go into a nursing home..... which would probably kill her just like it killed mother, she died soon after going into a nursing home, up until then she was very much kicking but simply seemed to give up and died only days later after being admitted to a nursing home. So in a way i suppose it is better for Sally to pass away peacefully now while on the morphine rather than being traumatised of being in a nursing home.

Anyway as of yesterday she is in a very deep sleep due to the morphine pump, breathing very slowly, indeed at times she seems to stop breathing for a short time, a few seconds, and i'd think she is finally gone..... then she starts up breathing again!!!

Last night I learned she been moved to a different ward one floor down. I wonder why?? Perhaps it is a special ward for the dying, cos previously she was in the general ward. I guess I will find out when I get there later today.......

Sally Update

This night which happens to be a Jewish high holy day for Passover week it is raining for the first time in ages. I hope it doesn't mean that Sally will pass away tonight cos some people say people close to death usually die when it is raining. This night actually commemorates the Jews' escape from the slavery in Egypt, you know the story of Moses and the Jews, he told the Pharaoh to let the Jews go but he wouldn't do it in spite of the many plagues coming upon the land..... the last of the plagues being the death to the first born child. The Jews and anyone else can escape this fate by taking a lamb and painting its blood on the doorposts then having the rest of the lamb for dinner. When the death angel sees the blood on the doorposts he will pass over that household, hence the name of the holiday Pass-Over - Passover. It was this final plague that finally convinced the Pharaoh to allow the Jews to go free, and it was this very night by the light of the Full Moon that they went out of Egypt.

This morning I was at the hospital. Sally was awake but not terribly aware of her surroundings and did not talk much. She was in a lot of pain so they increased the morphine dose. They are no longer giving her drips so they took the tubes out. In a way she seemed more "normal" without all those tubes, there are only two little tube ends from her tummy, this is where the vials of morphine are injected at different times. She has two of them so that they can give the morphine more often, apparently for some reason you can't inject the morphine too soon after the previous injection through one tubing. Although she seemed more "normal" she is far from it, she hasn't eaten since Saturday morning and indeed she is incapable of eating, she cannot feed herself, and likely to choke if someone tries to feed her.

Also this morning Sally was moved to a private room, that is normal hospital practice for patients who are expected to die. During her previous hospital stays she sometimes sees that one of her ward mates is close to death and so is moved out of a ward into a private room so to die in peace. I guess it is now Sally's turn!! The room does have great views of the river, just a pity Sally won't see it!!

Then the doc came in and gave me the news that Sally is not expected to live beyond three days. The method of treatment for patients expected to die is known as a "pathway" and I guess the document below which I received explains it better.....

By lunchtime I was out at the shops then back into the hospital. By then Sally have had enough morphine to make her more settled, and indeed she was fast asleep by the time I left the hospital to have dinner at home. I expect to be back at the hospital tomorrow afternoon - of course all this assuming that Sally is still on this side of the fence. At any time of the day or night I could receive that phone call from the hospital that Sally have finally passed away - it is rather stressful waiting for such a call, you don't know when it is going to happen, it can happen at any time from now on........

Sally in hospital

Here with some rather shocking news..... Sally is in hospital and in some kind of coma and not expected to survive.... basically the infections from her sores had entered her blood stream and so her vital organs are shutting down.... but as I say where there is life there is hope, and so she could survive this but even if she does it will be several weeks in hospital....

Last Friday was my last day at work before my two weeks leave that would take in Passover.... then Saturday Sally fell asleep which I didn't think too unusual as she often sleeps all day. She had been suffering pain from her sores but was otherwise OK apart from some nausea and weakness. She had been taking some pills for the upset tummy and the pills made her drowsy so I thought that was all that it is when she fell asleep on Saturday, just the effects of the pills. Now I was on leave I was about to take her off the pills so she could recover long enough for me to get her out of the chair to change the sheets and dress her sores as well as allow her to go to the loo. Anyway she woke up once or twice during Saturday but fell back to sleep.... and she kept on sleeping through the night.

Then Sunday morning I woke up and she was still asleep, however her eyes were open and rather glazed, she had vomited through the night, and I could not wake her, she didn't respond to me. However she was still breathing relatively normally so I thought she'd be OK..... I called Emergency and the ambulance came pretty well straight away with lights flashing!! The paramedics couldn't wake her either so they transported her straight to Charlie Gardiners hospital. After I cleaned up a bit and had a bite to eat I wandered up to the hospital, I expected her to be awake by now, and just as so many times before, I just rock up to the ER unit, ask to see her, they tell me the bay number in the ER unit and let me through the door.....

However I knew something was up when instead of just letting me through the door to ER, someone came and escorted me to a room marked "relatives" and sorted chit chat with me..... then the doc and nurse came in.... they told me that Sally was very seriously ill, still unconscious, and indeed she is not expected to survive!! They gave me the usual spiel about available support services for me and asked if i have family members here.... I had my cell phone with me so was able to call a couple of family members and it ended up that most of the family members on this side of the continent came up to the hospital.

I finally went in to see Sally..... what a sight it was with all kinds of tubes etc connected to her.... and so begun a long day as various docs and surgeons discussed options and going out their way to keep me informed.... by now the other family members had arrived..... At first they were going to do surgery on her sores to clear the dead tissue and hence minimise the infections and give her a fighting chance to survive..... then it was decided that she was in such a weakened state that the surgery would likely kill her so decided against it. This was a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't.... she would likely die from the effects of the infections on her vital organs which evidentally included her brain hence why she was in this coma, but then the surgery designed to minimise the infections would also kill her!! I ended up having to sign the papers to the effect that if her heart gives up they would not try to resuscitate it as apparently that is likely to kill her..... so all they are doing is feeding her morphine to kill the pain and make her comfortable while they wait for her to die.

By the end of the day she was eventually transferred up to the general ward where she always had gone to when she was in hospital. They offered the services of a priest to read the last rites.... i at first refused.... i mean she MIGHT still somehow survive this!!!.... but then after a while I accepted the offer, so a priest would come whenever figuring it would be what Sally wanted.

Ironically today is Passover day, the day Jesus died, so it would be ironic if Sally passed away also on this day!!!! But this is early morning, and I hadn't heard from the hospital so I assume Sally is still alive. I told them to call me even at 3AM if she does give up the ghost. So at this point all plans are set in motion for me to go up and see her this morning for a little bit..... then again in the evening...... Something deep down inside me expects her to survive, whether it is just a vain hope borne of grief or something else remains to be seen. The next few days will be critical, if she gets through the next few days she will likely survive this but will be several more weeks in hospital, a long hard road to recovery.....

How ironic... first my mother died.... then given most likely scenario my wife now dies.... and just like with mother, they are basically waiting for Sally to die.......

AFL Football Season begins.....

Here to resurrect my blog with the start of the football season this weekend as I like to share my musings on the football. I've joined the office tipping comp again for this year and I hoped to do better than last year which was the 1st year in which I won no prizes at all!!! Up until last year I had always won at least a prize!! I hope the good fortunes returns.....

It is always difficult to tip the 1st round matches. You can't necessarily rely on the previous year's form. Gone are the days when a single team dominates the comp for several years on end. At best a team would be successful for only a couple of years before falling to the middle of the pack or even lower!! So it is rather pointless going by last year's form. And you also don't go by the pre-season form cos that is when coaches experiments with team line-ups, strategies, etc, and also the scoring system is different with extra points given for goals from more than 50m. So it is mostly luck and guess work. Me and "luck" seems to be mutually exclusive. I only have some measure of success when I apply scientific methods, analysing team forms, newspaper articles, etc. I have next to no success when I rely only or mostly on "luck". I have never been lucky in life, I guess it is my destiny to be always on the short end of the straw when it comes to luck.

Last night was Adelaide/Essendon and it looked like history was about to repeat itself. I went with peer pressure and picked Adelaide. BAD MISTAKE!!! Not only it had given me a bad start to the tipping, but this is the match where you nominate the winning margin and it gets added to the "points variance". The points variance becomes important when you have the same number of tipping points as someone else and the prize monies are being decided - the one with the least variance receives the prize money. And since the variance is cumulative from week to week, if you started with a large variance, it remains large and is therefore very difficult to win prizes if you are level with one or more other competitors!! The variance for the week is the absolute difference between the winning margin and your nominated margin when your team wins, but it is the ADDITION of the winning margin AND your nominated margin when your team loses!!! Adelaide lost so just as was the case last year I am in the unhappy situation of already holding a large points variance which will make it near impossible for me to win prizes unless I get ahead on the tipping points!!

So since Friday night I was really depressed thinking that I would have another bad start to the tipping. The next match was the Weagles/Freo match - WestcoastEAGLES hence WEAGLES. That was billed as a close match, and last year when it came to close matches i would very nearly always lose out. Indeed when the margin is less than a goal it is the team I did NOT pick that would win!!! So I was not holding out much hope for this match. I had picked Freo. And for the 1st half it seemed a destiny that my bad luck would continue. Most happily however Freo fought back in the 3rd term, they gotten ahead, and pretty well held the lead through the 4th term. So I am slightly happier now..... my tipping result so far is a more respectable 1-1.

Now I have to wait until next weekend for the last 7 matches of the round to pan out..... I'd be happy with another 3 to 4 wins which would make it roughly 50% and so I still stand a chance of winning a prize as team forms after the 1st round becomes more obvious. I'd be even happier if one of those 3 to 4 wins included my beloved Magpies as I did go with sentiments and picked them!! After round 1 however sentiments will play a lesser role.... remains to be seen how my Magpies would do this year!!!